Why is it so hard to be happy for your friends when something good has turned their way?

A wish granted, some fantastic.

Pooks got that teaching job and all I can do is wish for his doom.

He doesn't deserve it. The pay, everything. He hasn't worked hard enough for it. He'll fail.

Those aren't friend words ... thoughts ... that's horrid of me to say.

I feel like I've worked hard and struggled to make the shit pay I'm making now and when someone like him waltz into a job to make more than me? Seems unfair.

I should be HAPPY for him to not have to what I did...but somehow ... I can't.

I just dwell on it to much and feel like I'm a bad person for doing so.

I need to be nicer, change, understand more. I get flippy over this. I get hurt feelings to fast anymore. Depressed over my job, tired so tired of trying to get ahead only to be pushed down. Then telling myself to just stop for a while, but I can't.

I feel nutty again, and wish I could go back to therapy sometimes, but knowing that it won't really help me. Sometimes talking it out helps.

But sometimes just forgetting and justing being helps too.

Can I start over? I want to change again and again. And fail and succeed, I'm not the same person I was yesterday or last week.

But still, somehow I find myself repeating myself. A bunch of nonsence anymore my life has become boring. I'm boring. I'm growing older. I'm single, I'm alone.

Why is it so hard for me? Maybe these outward fingers would point inward. What's wrong with me, everyone, how I am withdrawn and untouchable to everyone.

I want to become a good friend to that girl at work, she reminds me of my best friend in hs. I wish I had another best friend like that - she's single too - it's always easier to have people like you...like it's hard to relate to my sister cause she's getting married.

While the girl at work, we can bitch about being single. Guys are dicks, etc.

Still, somehow, I need to rethink my life and how I am. Just need to stop and think and grow and just relax and be.

I just wish, well my first step, should be getting happy for Pooks. I've been trying to, and happily have been optimistic with him. Well until he tried to brag about his insurance when I was so down about having to pay on mine...but he backed off.

Anyway, my headache has gotten worse and I feel nauseous again. I wonder if maybe I'm getting an ulcer, when I get stressed I get bad heartburn/stomach issues.

I just wish my life would level out. So I could live without planning and without trying to escape and climb to the top. Cause right now I feel like I'm digging a hole where the sides continually cave in.

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pet ramps