I'm sitting here feeling very woeful as I feel like lately I'm spending to much money.

However the thing is...it's on stuff for the apartment. Things I DO need, however I swore to frugality ... then my parents gave me a lotta money that will keep me on my toes.

They also said they'd pay for my car being fixed so I don't have to worry about that...cause that took 2 - something out of my account

But other than this, I did buy food for my apartment. Today I bought shower curtain hooks and a drain cover at Linens and Things.

I just bought a pitcher from Ebay in my Corelle Crazy Daisy pattern, I realized how foolish that was ... in total $17 (shipping incl.) bucks for a pitcher that I could buy at Kmart for like $5. I guess I was going for RETRO chic, but now I'm at buyers despair.

I told my sister NO to clothes shopping. Lane Bryant has a major sale going on. NO no no. I won't set foot in a clothing store (hell not like LB has any good clothes anymore). It's my illness, I love clothing and purses and make up. It's like taking a AA person into a bar.

Plus I'm trying to lose weight/then buy smaller clothes.... So note to self, don't buy clothes until you've lost at least 10 lbs.

I am staying away from those things. Other than this, I feel foolish for buying that lamp and that bathroom set.

So fucking FUNNY how before those things were nothing to me. Now I look at the state of my bank account ...

I have to pay my cell phone bill too ... thankfully, thank GOD I get paid this Friday ... I'll be moved in by then. But that's I think when FRUGAL living will come into play.

When realization hits like you're here. You're paying bills now...granted that's only a cable bill, phone bill, electricity bill and rent ... oh fruck and VISA.

EEP! Okay panic attack.

breathe breathe breathe

So yeah, no more spending.

Note I say this ... yes I say this with my $80 hair appointment tomorrow. Which is OKAY cause my hair NEEDS IT SO BAD. The last time I had a hair cut/color...was man months ago! In June? Now I can put my hair in a small pony tail, but not liking how shagging/unhealthy it looks. I wish I could get it cut short, yet...able to put it up. Hm.

And I haven't practiced violin in THREE days ... I feel bad, I've thought about it, but have felt tired and just blah about it. Plus I had the whole numb hands thing. It's cleared up now ... so I have to practice or he'll KNOW when I show up Monday and fuck fuck fuck up with my staccato's.

But also I'm frustrated because of TWO new things he wants me to try and I'm failing miserably at them. My staccato's and the use of fourth finger.

Two very odd and foreign and just frustrating the FRUCK out of me! So it's hard to practice when it's like damn damn damn DAMNIT I can't do this right!

Though when I played for my sister this song - using staccato - my allegro song - it sounded like I was ALMOST there. I just get caught up in doing it right that I get lost.

And fourth finger? I spend MORE TIME trying to find the right NOTE/Chord that ... ARGH I get FRUSTRATEDDDD! I need a line drawn/guide cause I'm really having a hard time w/ it.

I hope he understands that I've NEVER played w/ that finger and am not used to it and above all AM NOT GOING TO GET IT AFTER HIM TELLING ME ABOUT IT FOR 5 minutes!

Maybe I should be flattered ... that my teacher thinks I know what the hell he's talking about sometimes. He gives me these new things and I don't know if he thinks...that I KNOW what I'm doing or understand it...but he just lets me go off on my own. I told him last time, dude I've NEVER done these before.

Still, I like the man. Best teacher I've ever had. I love the fact he doesn't gripe about me when I'm on the wrong key/chord. He lets ME figure that out. He says I'm pretty much on mark and have good intonation ... but still I hear when I fuck up. But maybe I'm not as bad as others, or maybe it's cuz I still have on my cheater marks on the board. heeeeheeee

And this Monday, I can tell you I'm going to get pissy when I can't play staccato and when my fourth finger is playing less than E ... and more like F sharp ... and he'll just stare at me blankly for a moment like ... what the HELL is wrong with this girl?

*Sigh* he patronizes me, I swear it.

�

pet ramps