It's been such a long arse day. I mean llllong. My boss took off Thurs/Friday which also are my busy days at work.

I supposedly have a "helper" however that never pans out cause she's to "busy" like I'm not. But whatever is clever biotch.

I've been having nightmares/strange dreams again. The one was so real, I dreamt someone was going around shooting people. Or maybe we were at war. Something. But I felt like I could get killed and wondered how I'd ever get home again.

I woke up this morning and showered and went to work and something just hasn't felt right all day. Like something is coming, I can feel it. Maybe it's the impending worry of moving out, or something else.

It doesnt' feel good, like an upcoming hurdle to jump for me. Maybe a job upgrade in motion....ha a laugh right? I'm hoping somehow that sin city/casino job comes through, I think it'd be kind of fun to work at a casino doing fliers and brochures and whatever.

I feel really weriod about moving. Not sure why, maybe it's because I'll be alone. I get very paranoid that someone is going to break in. I don't know why. I need to invest in some kind of door stop mechanism ... the place feels safe, but my over active imagination is what gets me. I come up with all the ways they can "break in" ... as if! Right! I mean cameras everywhere and apartments don't hold much stuff to "steal" ... to many people watching. It's very unlikely that anyone has been broken into there. You can't get into the building w/o a key anyway.

Okay just a side note: I fucking HATE when people walk by my desk snapping and clapping their hands to some BEAT in their head. It's like THANK YOU FOR DISTURBING ME.

ERM...okay .... my parents are packing up my stuff too. My mom (thanks mom!) took all this tape off of my grandma's chest of drawers. My dad taped it while he moved it from FL.....and the tape stuck on TO well and was hard to remove (been on since christmas). Other than that, my mom says there is so much stuff to bring, she is flabbergasted. I was wishing that I won't think about moving for a long ass time.

It's going to be crazy moving in though, lifting and putting here and there. I know this will be such a large undertaking. I mean crazy. Then Thursday to just say, okay I'm here. I haven't even thought about moving my fish yet. They will FLIP when I transfer them. Then the possiblity of living w/o cable/internet for like a week so they can come hook it all up...yikes. Talk about boring.

Oh well, I found out a neighbor of mine died like 2 mths ago. We saw an ambulance....we thought it was for this girls mother, but it was for her. She was fat, then lost a shit load of weight like sickly looking, it was dude to diabetes ... she went into a coma and then died.

She was really rude/mean to everyone, she slapped my other neighbor across the face. And would flip off other neighbors. She was nutty, but still it was shocking that she died, she was only 45!

Oh well, I get my hair cut tomorrow ... major, utter UGH. I really hate to sit there and "chat" about BS....it's annoying to say the least.... The girl who cuts my hair has a coolio life, getting married and doing all this shit. While I'm like...yeah....I do....nothing. I suck. Yeah that's me.

Regardless, anyway, I'm wondering about that OP guy that I kind of dig, but am unsure of. When we talk it's good, but then there is that lull, unknown if we'll ever talk about type of thing. I know I'm overreacting....but I'm used to guys asking me out and setting up dates by now. He did ask me out, but we didn't set a day/time. My other guy friend - Ill. guy - I totally blew off our "date" and I'm sure he's hating me. I just dont' feel a connection. He says he does, and sometimes I wish I could have that too. He's nice enough.

But, simply it's not ...there.

I should understand that, cause I get hurt when I'm all groovey for a guy and he's not interested. That THING isn't there for me, for me...for him...whatever....and it's okay, it happens. It's so rare and hard to find a man of quality to date, anymore someone to hold your attention and make you feel loved and wanted.

That's all I want, love, feeling wanted. Not made to feel like it's so fucking lop-sided that the whole thing is about to capsize.

Oh well, I'm in no hurry, but getting tired of feeling ...I guess alone. I don't want to do one night stand shit, I get that allll the time .... from guys ... (what about me says whore?) .... and I don't want some sappy ass loser. I don't know what I want anymore.

I guess I just want love, companionship. Someone to call home, not a place, but a person.

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pet ramps