Viva Las whatever. I just applied for a graphic design job at a casino in the area. I figure hell, why not. Work in sin where people blik away family fortunes or money stolen from their mothers purse. Drug money, hit money, etc.

Sin City-ish. Dirty, dank neon covered boat with a shining bright graphic design job in there.

They won't call. I'm sure of it. That's how my luck has been. Always the interviewed, never the hired. That's how it is. I'm pretty much okay with it it, I'm not, but maybe not letting it get to me at this current place in my life.

I've stopped my spending entirely. Unfortunately my fucking, yes, FUCKING car brakes are grinding.

I pray it's something small like I'm just going nuts and maybe they need to be adjusted...but I somehow think a $100 buck car bill is in my future for brake pad replacement. When it rains, it pours.

Lucky me though, I do not have to go to Michigan to help pack. I can't believe next week I'll be moving. That fast and soon. Can't been soon enough my mind says, but my heart feels at odd, scared to be alone, yet wants to be alone. Non-judged and not answering to anyone except myself.

Regardless, Wed. my parents are packing up my stuff and Thurs. morning will drive down to Indiana. We'll unpack and move me in. Not to much stuff, mind you, that I have. Mostly my bulky bed and crazy heavy dresser. My bed is from the 1700's/1800's -- a "rope" bed where they didn't have a mattress or anything, just ropes and hay or whatever the fuck they used.

My grandpa had to modify the bed (when he got it, it was in bad shape) so he stained it and made it into a full size bed and I've always adored it. But never much liked how the head board and foot board need two people to carry it. It's thick, heavy wood.

Erm. So anyway Thursday I'll be cleaning and putting away. I'm ordering a birthday cake for my mom ... and I'll have my coffee pot set up and cups and knives and forks ready to serve it. yay. The restaurant we're going to is down the street from my apartment. So ... party at Jen's afterwards!

It's hard to imagine moving and putting away. Seems like a lot of work. Seems overrated. Can I say moving out is SO overrated.

Anyway, I am slightly worried about money. Didn't expect my cars brakes to start grinding and sounding weriod..and hope that it's an easy fix and I can get my car back quick or that maybe it's just that they need adjusting. I'm thinking, what the fuck I just got new tires put on...maybe that's why they're acting up.

I read on a consumers site all about how people hate the Ford Focus and all the problems. I've only had tire issues - which you cannot blame the car on....the tires....well rotted. I blame that on leaving my car out in the weather for 1/2 a year in Michigan (winter through spring) .... and my brakes could very WELL be the same blame ... when I tried to move my car, the brakes were STUCK to the whatever. The tires would'nt move in the front at all until my dad had to hit them off as they were rusted on.

No wonder my brakes squeak from time to time. However, my car hasn't really had anything major wrong. Not what I read about ignition starters dying or transmission....etc. None of that yet, thankfully, knock on wood.

Anyway, that dude I spoke to, we didn't talk yesterday. I don't know why I felt slightly let down. I figured he'd at least call, but nothing was planned or set up. I blame myself for expecting. I want to never expect anything from someone. They do things cause they want to, or whatever. Let that surprise be mine. Maybe this is desperationn talking. Maybe I was a bit to hung up already just by chatting with him for two hours. That's not enough time to make plans, or make up minds.

Just words, conversation. We're friends. If more happens, it does. If not, okay move on. I mean I need to stop this cycle. My violin teacher has taught me a life lesson though he doesn't know it.

He says, usually when you learn something new, your old habits that you thought you fixed before, come back w/o you realizing it.

I think I've learned to be different, but it's easy to fall back into those old ways of getting antsey over little things. So then you have to mentally try to do all these things at once and watch yourself.

My violin class, lesson didn't go to hot yesterday. Granted I played my song OK with the piano ... but learning sticotto (sp?) I sucked at. I felt like a toad cause he played it fast and clearly. Mine was all over and fucked up and mumbly .... I felt like I was someone who'd NEVER played before.

How can you fuck up, playing half a bow, quickly down, pressing hard and tha'ts it? I mean really? Maybe I was tired or upset that there were people listening to me outside the room ... but I felt fucked up. He also wants me to play with my fourth finger on the A string instead of playing open E. That shocked me. I've never done that, he says, that will train my fingers better and my arm must be held right to even use the fourth finger.

*groan* I must admitt he is the best teacher I've ever had. He says I've really gotten better by just the things he's shown me, and he is RIGHT. I asked how and when I'll be able to play w/o hitting the wrong notes and he said...it comes in time and simply the only thing he can tell me...is to play it right! Don't put your fingers on there wrong. Simple. Ha.

I really like him though, he challenges me, and is patient and explains it all. He wants me to get better and we're never STUCK on one fucking thing. Like my last teacher staying on the same page for A MONTH.

No, this guy is like you do this good, you do this OK and you need to work on this. I like that.

Oh anyway, okay trying not to freak out cause this time next week I'll be picking up my apartment keys! Whoa.

Yay. I'm excited and scared. Isn't that funny. I also need to work on weight loss asap. 8 months to my sisters wedding. How time flies. So 8 months to find a date to take --- pooks is going anyway --- but I want like a real date. Ugh. I have a few stand-in's but would like someone who means something to me other than friend.

�

pet ramps