I sick of how my life is going the way you get sick of an old pair of shoes.

You search for new ones, and most of them give you blisters or fall apart in the rain. It's hard to find something good that lasts.

I called that company and they wanted me to do a kind of "entry-level, kinda like customer service thing" which pays $30,000 ... however I'd just be the go-between person.

That my resume was passed over for a design job due to lack of experience, but turned over to production, for a production coordinator.

I said, so I wouldn't be doing anything but on the phone all day? The woman hesitated ... "yes...but you'd proof read too, well sometimes."

Me: No thanks.

Sorry I'm not taking something A. entry-level and B. "customer service like"

Just because I worked for Dizzney doesn't mean I want to go into customer service.

I wanted to say thanks for wasting my time AND getting my hopes up. But no thanks, thanks for saving me the money and TRIP to Chicago.

Glad I know now though.

So I'm feeling grumpy yet happy. Going straight after work to Michigan. My sister was up with me this morning and asked what was wrong with me because I didn't reply the way she wanted when I said "yeah" ... I said, nothing, I'm just trying to read.

So she got pissy and said well have a nice trip and went upstairs.

I'm tired of this friverous pissed off-ness that she always seems to have. You look at her in a strange way or say something as simple as "yeah" and you're the one with an attitude problem ....

For anyone else to tell someone they've got an attitude problem, well in a way the speaker is the one w/ the problem. Whereas, hey I'm FINE.

So I feel grumpy for nothing, happy I have 4 days of pills left. Happy my YI is gone ... finally ... gone.

Not so happy with having a major man drought. There is absolutely no one I'm interested in. And vice versa. It's kind of a weriod thing, and makes you wonder what is so wrong with you that makes you a certain way.

I think God is playing tricks on me. Maybe my whole prayer thing got misinterepted up there, from getting interviews, now to declining them. My luck sucks anymore.

My resume and portfolio are still sitting on that desk at work. I'm sure she's trying to form the words to say I don't have enough experience but I'm talented and to try back again.

Or

She's simply not interested and moving in a different whatever.

I've heard them all. I just cannot seem to get a break anymore. It's crazy. Nothing is working out for me anymore. I used to have luck on my side.

Now, as grandpa would say, the evil eye is on me. I see myself as eternally struggling the rest of my life for anything I want.

Love, career, in no particular order, is a struggle for me. Others, I've known it's easy and having a guy swinging in her arm in a matter of days from her last break-up. Or people having companies call them for jobs, or getting a job their first resume out.

Me...nothing, not career nor love, has ever ever been easy. Low pay. Low relationships. Happiness seems to never last, it fades and I'm left wondering why I even went in that direction.

So right now, still, it transcends, my life is not going right...it just kind of is going good that I'm moving out.

I say this as my sisters fiance moans upstairs. Not sure what type of moan that was, sounding sexual in tone, maybe she's getting back at me for being whatever. If I hear the floor squeaking, I'm ... well ... hell I'm already moving out, but things ... seemingly already are getting strange between us.

I'm feeling again, like I wish I wasn't here. If only suicide wasn't so looked down upon. Or that I wasn't so scared to do it. Live or die, it's all the same anymore, I'm under the ground.

Life is funny.

�

pet ramps