Not feeling very happy, have cried so much today for no reason. Everyone says it's not the pills, but maybe stress or depression.

I dont' want to be depressed again, but I feel like I'm about to fall into that pit all over again. I do feel hopeless.

I keep going for jobs and never get them. I find guys and they never work out. I can't move out, I can't lose weight.

I can't hold a conversation at a party, I can't be normal.

Right now, it's another bleak feeling time and I'm just so fucking tired of all of this bad news and bad feelings.

First the whole gyn exam and all the fucking blood work and ultrasound on my ovaries. Then put on pills, my doctor doesn't explain why or what to do after it all.

I feel like I'm lost a lot. I feel like I'm a ghost and forgotten more often than not.

My sisters fiance will hold the door for her, but then walk in front of me and go in.

That happens more often than not.

Am I not here? Why have I turned out like this? My mom is telling me what to do with my life and I'm realizing I don't have a life and everyone is feeling sorry for me because I can't find some fucking peace.

Times like this, I really can see why people committ suicide. I wish I really could just vanish. No pain, just gone. I think that would be the best thing for me because I try so fucking hard for the things I want and I don't get them.

They come to me and get fucked up somehow and end up fucking me over.

My job, is shit. My last relationship was shit. I wanted both of them, but they warped so much and left me in fucking therapy.

My therapist even, gave me 2 weeks to write three things I liked about myself. I did it. The next session, she didn't even remember it. The next sessions, she didn't even remember that we were supposed to build up my self esteem.

Lovely, forgetting about me.

Just like my life. Forgotten. There is only a matter of time. If everyone you ever knew forgot that you ever were there, would you even exist? You know yourself, but that isn't enough.

So today was just very hard for me and I'm just tired of my life and tired of trying because what is the fucking point of it anymore.

I just feel like I'm depressed again, and I hate to be that way because I hate myself when I'm this way. But it's hard to be happy anymore when all of these things keep happening and feeling like no one cares about you, even yourself. Yeah, right now I wish I could just not be. It would be so much easier if I could give up, that's a definate and could succeed at that very well. Just feels like things will never change for me ... it's just not going to happen.

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pet ramps