It so sickens me to write and say this ... they have fall clothing out already in some stores.

What the fruck is going on with this world? We're always so ahead of ourselves when I swear it doesn't matter. We plan, we pray, we set ourselves up for the future in so SO many ways ... when things change so fast, we cannot control the future and planning anymore seems fruitless.

I am feeling sorted today. Wanting to go visit my parents for a few days to unwind from this roller coaster ride I've been on, but yet I find that planner in me whispering I should save up my days for job interviews and impending medical visits that are often hard to plan ahead on.

Last week I should've taken half a day when I went to the gyn because when I came out I wanted to cry. I just wanted to sob. It was so stressful and crazy and I needed some time to think it out and talk it out with myself. A lot to deal with, someone poking around in you, then feeling complete utter pain for a few minutes and not being able to really hollar out in pain. Bravery is tiring.

Regardless, the pills I'm on now, seem to be getting to me more. I feel that fatigue/tired and right now I'm dizzy. I can't wait to be done with them.

Tomorrow is a blood test. Tomorrow is also my pelvic ultrasound. Also, tomorrow I'm going to have dinner with Pooks - he's in town until Thursday.

It'll be weriod to see him, but I'm excited because I haven't seen the boy in so long. He's just comforting right now, something from the past, like family, but not so attached in that way.

I'm heading to the gym after work for a lil bit. A woman here at work told me I should always have my ankle wrapped up. Always wear a brace because now that ankle is weak.

I kept thinking how dumb that is. You cannot baby yourself forever. I mean if I wore a brace all the time I could never wear sandals or capri's ... or heels again. I know my ankle will take a while to regain and recover, but to me, it's almost there. I'm going to start back at the gym with the bike and elliptical again.

My eating is going okay. Kind of hard to follow a new way of eating, so I'm semi lowfat and semi low sugar? More salads, whole grains and fruits. It's not to hard.

Regardless, I'm feeling single again. Feeling like I'm wanting to get up to date worthy again. Turning down guys anymore seems a prerequisite before I start feeling like I'll never find anyone worth it. I can say I toss my cares to the wind on this issue, but anymore I'm going to start doing my own footwork and shaping my own destiny. Screw it, I seem to think anymore, and feeling like maybe it's beginning to be time to cast myself out on a line and hope their really are more fish in the sea. Hoping that oil spills, underwater erupting volcanos, over fishing and disease doesn't kill my chances of catching a good one. Because more often then not, I keep getting some fucked up people with A. kids and/or B. shitty job (manager of KFC?!!) .... Sorry I'm not desperate. And these guys with kids ... ala "insta-family, just add person" ... I know I might end up with that because that's how the world is today, but I'm trying not to. *Sigh* I think I'd be more marketable in dating if I too was as fuck head who had to much debt or 20 kids and a divorce or whatever.

What are us, little issue people to do? I mean seriously, how come the more messed up you seem to be, the more someone wants to rock into your life and fix you up? I guess I'm a non-fixer-upper ...maybe I'm the contractor, looking to fix up some man and right him again.

God, I don't want that roll. But regardless, I saw two dudes I'm semi-interested in. Am not going to fall over myself before I know they too want to return that glow. That's cool though, I'm okay with that. I'm in no hurry to get hurt again, and am wiser now and feeling nearly back to my old self. Lived it, learned it, now ready to try it all over again. You know life.

I'm wondering if I'll get any job interviews to look forward to this week. The one job in Chicago is accepting resumes until July 21. So that's like two more weeks before they ... what decide on someone? My mom thinks they won't begin until the 21st, but that's dumb. I can see them waiting until next week, possibly the following week, but still interviewing and second interviews, take a lot of time.... But HELL we're talking about MICHIGAN, the U.P. already, a rarity that someoen goes to college there, a rarity that someone would want this job w/ the hours prescribed. A rarity even if someone wanted it, that they'd have my experience. Still ... it's like I have a feeling they won't call. I guess I'm used to rejection and getting shit on from job hunting (hey and dating too) ... but anymore, with my recent health bs I'm just not really going to hamper and dig myself a hole with this stuff. Whatever happens, happens. I can't do anything to push it along, just to coax it and hold onto hope.

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pet ramps