Okay semi, quasi-good news. I was calling for my appointment next week to get the ultrasound and was talking to the lady on the phone something like "Hi I need a pelvic ultrasound" she said for what? I said "PCOS" she said ... it doesn't say vagina ultrasound? I say, just pelvic. So she says to drink 32 oz of water before I go.

I say, so they dont' have to stick anything in me and she says, not if it just says pelvic ultrasound or something like that.

So I was like YAY. I was reading a pcos/obgyn message board about it and some girl who was a virgin and "small" down there also went through what I went through except she got off lucky with A. virgin spectulum and b. they didn't try that "magic dildo wand" on her. I laughed cause the gyn only used one finger to test the insides.

I was like, my first gyn story is a horror story. I mean using a spectulum on people who are normal sized down there verses my lil' guy ... I mean of course it hurt. Hello. I told the gyn that she had to do what she had to do ... to get it done with, I mean I understand.

However, it really hurt though, like someone opened up a wound and just kept it open and then stuck a swab in it and scrapped whatever the fuck out of you.

Next time I'm asking for a relax pill or whatever they prescribe because I was just nervous and feeling crazy. Especially now after how shitty it was my first time. I know in time I'll forget it and by next year will be like it'll be OKAY until that snatch snoves that spectulum in me and I'm feeling like I want to scream.

OH yeah, okay.

I didn't get the Chicago job. The bitch finally emailed me back ... I wanted to say you TOLD ME you would let me know either way and here I am having to chase your ass down just for you to tell me I suck. Fuck you and your company. I'm never going for a job there again.

*hhmph* I think I'm getting pms or something. My coo still is achy (yes still) from yesterday. Poor girl.

So now I have two other jobs I applied for on the hot burner. Hopefully one will pan out cause right now I'm just so ready for something new.

Anyway I'm going with sister, her fiance and his brat to Michigan. I'm all like ... fuck 4 hours in a car...when this insta-family. Just add bullshit.

My sister is already being a fuck nut with how I wanted a book from my bag and she'd packed it and flipped at the idear of me opening up and messing up her supreme packing or whatever.

Erm. Anyway, I am doing the whole GI diet now. I'm using Anne Collins site - you just pay like $20 a year...or something. I wont' sign up next year because you get the info on PDF and if you want to stay on for the forums and talking to her ... then you can do the yearly pay shit, but I don't think I will? Who knows.

So far so good. I've been eating a lot of salads and whole grains, etc. At the gyn, though they made me feel like I weighed 1,000 pounds ... well in fact I'd lost another pound. So they kill joyed that brief happiness of a pound to make me feel like I was going to kneal over and die at any second from all this weight.

I didn't think I was that fat, but they made me feel like that. Maybe I needed that.

Oh well sorry to be so somber. I'm waiting to leave work, to run home, and to leave again until Monday. Yay. Then Wed. and then hopefully no more doctor stuff with ultrasounds and needles and hurting. Just give me birth control pills and call it a day. I hope I don't have PCOS because I really don't want to think about infertility. Not that I am having kids anytime soon, but to have that option, to not burn that bridge before I even come to it ... to even have to worry on it....I just do not want to do.

I'm sure no one wants that syndrome, but whatever happens you learn to live and learn and adjust.

I've done so much adjusting in my life. It seems like second nature, but suddenly I'm feeling no so adjustful anymore. I wonder what's going on.

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pet ramps