Okay for whoever told me that going to the gynocologist for the first time doesn't hurt ... well fuck you.

Yes, I went and yes it hurt pretty bad. I started half way crying. I was coolio with the breast exam, but when she went to put in the spectulum, I squirted and said "that fucking hurts" ... and she was like just take deep breaths, spot holding your breath. So I tensed up and she got nervous and knocked over the pap smear thingies and it was chaos for a couple of minutes.

She took it out and said ... "sorry I couldn't use the virgin one on you, but it wasn't long enough ...." so I'm like well don't have to worry about any hymen being left because I'm sure it's all GONE now. I have never felt a pain like that before, it was like someone stabbed my coo and was twisting the knife. Yes, I bled even. I figure my boyfriend's slip into me during "sex" wouldn't done it, but right now, it didn't so therefore I consider myself a dirty virgin. Almost there, but fuck he didn't tear it all the way.

Well it is tore all the way now, because she had to give me an ultra sound, which is sticking a dildo like instrument into me...it hurt going in, but after it went in, it was okay. So I was like, okay so when I have sex ever again, if I ever do ... I kinda KNOW what'll feel like.

It didn't work out to well so I have to go to the hospital. She thinks I might have PCOS and I'm getting my blood tested for diabetes, etc. and getting an ultrasound on my uterus. I pray to God they don't do the dildo stick thing again because sorry, I feel like my crotch has been through enough.

I felt numb when she said, "look she's bleeding" to the nurse. Thanks. Great, that mighty hymen is now gone/ripped whatever.

My mom said I must have a small opening if it hurt that much - which I'm sorry to say, it did. And I said instead of the virgins spectulum, I had to have that whore spectulum and that fucking hurt like the devil.

So anyway I also am on a bacteria killer for my boils/carbunkles that should knock out that infection ... hopefully forever. I have 40 pills to take every 6 hours.

I feel like crying, I'm embarrassed and was in a lot of pain - that I WAS crying after the appointment and they were all feeling sorry for me and I was all apologizing and yet happy I wasn't flipping out...just breathing heavy and cursing like "that fucking sucks!" ... I'm a rough girl.

But happy to have went and this sudden piece of mind. Am sure after these tests I'll have to go see her again. I'm feeling crazed and tired now because of today and crabby. My "hole" hurts from being entered like 3 times in the span of NOT 5 MINUTES, but 10 minutes. That slutty coo of mine.

Can I cry now? How come my body is fat, but my uterus/opening is all small...wtf. She also said I must lose weight and being over weight affects the uterus and could be why I am irregular. So she said get to 250 lbs and that'll be a good start. So *sigh* I am seriously on to lose weight now. This has OPENED my eyes...really...it has in so many ways.

Still, I could just burst into tears because of the whole ordeal, me squirming and her scrapping and me trying not to cry and her telling me I'm to fat. But I know, she's a good doctor because she took the time to care, I could tell/feel that. She told me I'm to young to be at that weight ... I'm not that heavy, I always thought, but she just made me realize that I AM heavy and it's time to do something about it.

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pet ramps