Went to gym again today ... did 10 mins of weights and then elliptical for 10 minutes before ankle started to give hell. It's getting better, but still swells up and aches if I stand/walk to much.

Nevertheless, am quite happy that it's slowly getting better, I knew it would take a while, they say 4 weeks, sometimes 6. Today is exactly 3 weeks since I fell.

Anyway, so I went food shoppin' and bought lots of fruit and healthy stuff. Bought salad and lots of ...yeah more fruit.

I got home and showered and shaved.

I mean I SHAVED nearly everything so when Thursday hits I won't have to really worry about that.

My friend, Pooks, said I need to have some "maintence" down there before I go to the GYN on Thurs. but ... I feel at odds doing anything down there. I guess chalk that up to my mom and how she fucked up me and my sister with telling us about sex and how bad it was and guys just want that.

I think, I recall someone telling me never to "shave" down there cause it's bad for you.

Then I realize a lot of girls shave that off and stuff. I mean I just kind of stared at the scissors and was like...nah....

So I'm happy and lotioned up and feeling waves of nervousness and it's only Sunday.

T-minus 3 days and counting.

I also have a fucking carbunkle down there from...I think stress last week. When I was a kid I got them ALL the time. I mean ALL THE TIME. Now I'm an adult I get them once in a while - maybe once or twice a year...and so fucking happens I get one t-minus 3 days and counting to my first gynocologist exam. Not like she can ignore a red mark on my coo like it's nothing since it's in her FACE. Doctor meet in coo, coo meet the doctor. Now play nice.

I hate explaining anything having to do with my body. I have scars from those marks I had as a kid too ... not to bad, but to me, bad enough.

I KNOW she's seen all of this before, but to me, it's like for someone to look at my body all over for the first time, I'd rather have it neat and clean and stuff.....

Not that she'll even probably think twice about it, she's seen it all, worse and better.

*ahem* I also am planning out my clothes for the day, easy off and easy on clothing. I'm figuring ... my black light pants. With my black knee socks (can leave socks on, yay!) ... uh silky ish undies (easy off) ... and probably this very light top I have - easy off. And this old-ish bra that I can zip off over my head. Boom. *Sigh*

Will try to clear up acne on face - STRESS acne from last week. Man alive.

Thank God I can wear make up on my face.

Oh man.

Summer Breeze make me feel fine.

*please*

Anyway, I'm going to Michigan this weekend. Hopefully not going to fall again and sprain ankle. Mom giving me guilt trip cause I didn't want to go. But eh. I also sent out resume to Traverse City - feeling at odds again.

Feeling and wondering about that place in Chicago, if they'll call and what the fuck is going on.

Also had to pay medical bill and am feeling poor until Friday. Hate to think of paying gyn. bill now, then birth control pills (I'm sure she'll put me on that) paying monthly for that.

I hope a change comes soon, just feeling kind of same-ness and whatever-y. Bitterish altogether. Feeling poor, but did buy some capri's yesterday due to having none. Fuck. Has it really been a year since I worked at that Cruise Line? I was home this time last year and hating life cause I quit and couldn't find a job ... to think that by Sept. 1st I was employed again and happy.

Then came Nov. 1 when I met ex-boyfiend. Then Feb. when grandma died.

Time flies, but this sameness in my life, the lack of change, is eternal feeling, standing still of time. I grow tired of it. Move on time. Move on.

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pet ramps