It's a hum-drum day. It was so crazy at work this morning, I was particularly snappish to anyone who wanted to A: get a late ad in and B. get a late color ad in.

I snapped to the a-hole ad rep everyone hates ... I said "no" flatly to him and he said he was going to talk to some manager and I didn't say anything. His demeanor is what got me in that snappish mood, coming up to me and demanding I get this late as hell ad in.

To me, I think you fucking ad reps you get the big bucks from these ads, while I make diddly shit. I make what someone working at Bath and Body makes.

So anyway, today I'm doing my job and still my bosses job as she's out this whole week. Tomorrow I'll get to do her job and someone will do mine because there is no way I can do both tomorrow.

This one woman here is filing ads for two graphic artists out and is being a complete bitch about it. I mean, she bitches all the time about her job and work and if she has to do anything extra, God forbid.

I want to say, just do your job, I don't want to hear about how you hate it here, etc. I mean suck it up. You don't see me bitching about doing my bosses job ... I mean it's tough, but I'm not complaining...to me it's a change from what I do ... and it's more stress ... but still you feel empowered to say, I am doing my bosses job...I see that as resume and interview material.

Talk it up. I did this.

Anyway so it's day two of not hearing from that place. I'm going to call tomorrow and see what's going on. I know they said the start of the week - but Wednesday is mid-week ... so I'm going to try to call just because I'm tired of emails and non-evasive manners of trying to get info. Kind of like, I'm still very interested in the position and would like to know the status.

If they do not call me back, I swear I'll keep calling this time. Screw that, I'm tired of my job here and will do just about anything for something new.

Feeling rut-ish again. I feel like my friend Pooks ... like watching the parade pass by ... seeing everyone else advance and you're still stuck on slow. Considering my life, it goes from slow to fast. There's never an inbetween time.

And NY guy called me again last night and it's like, what are we doing. He did do a lil' flirtish type of thing - you know like that moment that says, hey I'm kinda interested.

That's odd, I'm guessing because of my inquiry as to WHAT THE FUCK WE ARE DOING last time we spoke. I was straight forward with...what do you want a friend or a date? Cause sorry most guys have asked me out by now ....

He said he wants to take it slow, wants to be a snail. He doesn't want to get hurt again or whatever. But I understand that ... it's like you want to have a relationship, but then you think back to the stuff that happend to you and don't want to go through that again.

All I know is I'm happy I met that one dude - the Illinois guy - granted I'm sure it won't work out - but he did open my eyes to a lot of things. He's a nice guy, has a lot of wisdom, in a werid way he fasinates me ... at least, very least I hope to talk to him as friends, something because he's on to something that I've been questioning a lot about relationships and who does what, etc.

So I know I'm not in a bad place, but still it sucks to see those who do not do as hard as work as you get paid more and things people get that they don't deserve. But I guess I too am one of those people to someone else. I try not to think on it and get angry about it. My time will come, I'm certain.

I felt like it was coming with this job interview, it just feels so right, but that could just be false hope, whatever.

Anyway, this one guy just walked by at work and said, man you're always here, for certain, you're always working hard. That always feels good to hear that, even though I am updating my diary as he tells me I work hard, but eh .... Sometimes I feel that way because I really AM always here.

But I've come to realize if I don't get that job in Chicago, I'm still going to move out. I know it's probably stupid to do as rent is $500 at least for a shit hole ... but I just feel the need to ... I mean...I have to. I feel bad as college will have to wait ... fuck.

Oh well ... I still have mixed feelings, am I happy, sad? Mostly I feel neutral.

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pet ramps