How odd is this, my banner ... is .... on this page as I update....
So yeah I clicked on my own banner so later when I see all the click throughs, I can feel "good" cause people actually clicked through.

Boring.

So tonight is my date and I'm beginning to feel nervous. But also not caring. I mean it's like I hate to think of dealing with the part of the conversation that turns to uncomfortable silence.

Then the short quip like from Pulp Ficition about how people talk just to talk about bull shit for no reason, to feel comfortable. And how you know you're comfortable w/ someone when you can be quiet and not feel like filling in those minutes with bs words.

Er... Plus I'm feeling at odds, kind of ... cause we haven't really talked all that much. I mean I guess I put to much into this type of thing. Watch to many movies and think things should start out wonderfully and the next scene is the proposal.

So I'm trying to just be like ... whatever, let's just see how we mesh. I mean lets not judge already and stuff. I guess I feel a lil bit fucked up as my last guy fucked me up inside ... and I just wasn't myself and ended up giving everything to someone who gave nothing ... ended up getting hurt and don't want to go down that route again.

Why is it so hard to tell? Or hard to believe in, or hard to trust? I'm tired of this person I've become, since when have I become scared?

Anyway, so yes I have a good hair and make up day going. Though I am slightly cranky, yet happy since my sister is gone until Sunday. A much much needed break from everyone. Some alone time, some time to do whatever I want w/o being judged or questioned.

I hope that job calls Monday ... I'll take Tuesday even. Supposedly today was the last interview. I'm figuring and banking on the fact they's only interviewed 3 people for this ... I'm guessing that many made the cut and now next week, maybe they'll bring two of us back? I'm saying I'll be one of them, but maybe not. I do not want to jinx myself and put some bad mojo ... karma on myself by doing whatever.

The interview and job seems just so right for me, but a part of me says don't trust that feeling because last year it got you nowhere. So like this job, my relationships, it all feels the same. So good at first, so promising, but something is off and something I cannot put my finger on. Something tangible turns into confusion and hurt ... and right now...I'm just feeling tired again.

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pet ramps