Huh?

Okay date went okay ... we talked and there were only brief silences.

He paid and I said that felt weriod due to ex- who always had me pay half or whatever.

And he told me something that make me think that maybe it's best to claim this as a one day wonder.

And to be happy about it.

That's okay too. I mean if he wanted to go out again, I probably would, maybe he was nervous and said some things out of that nervousness.

It wasn't bad things, but red flag things, things that made my mojo, my intution flash about saying, pay attention to yourself.

You're not digging him. It's okay.

I feel good though, not upset or anything. Just neutral.

Have I finally grown up a bit? I mean seriously. Enough to say, okay ... so what, next?

Half of me says, well it seems like you're not even caring about a relationship, it's all career now. Finding my place where I'm happy.

If a man wants to come along for the ride, then fine.

So yeah, I'm okay and worrying about hearing about job next week.

I mean, what if I don't get a second interview? Move on, I know.

What if I do and then what?

Today I sat at work all dejected because I was just so busy and looking at my meager pay check and just feeling pretty blah about how far I've come and what I've done and how I've grown, yet stayed the same.

Anyway, I'm getting okay about going to the GYN. Just am calming down. Kind of like, fuck it put me on birth control to regulate me and in turn fix up my hormones so I'm not wacky and mood-swingy.

Not that I'm that looney, but right now. I also want to lose some weight for the impending wedding. Hate to think of going as a single ... but whatever rather be single than in a shit relationship with a fucking ASSHOLE.

Oh I know, get over that too Jen. I have really, but even after it .. it's hard to say nice things about the people that hurt you and shit on you.

Yeah, okay.

New and improved me ... upcoming features ... just want to change right now.

Happy about tonight, even though I don't think it worked out, I realized that I'm okay ... maybe it's not all about me anymore.

�

pet ramps