Check out my new-ish diary - http://sourgurl77.blogspot.com/

Okay so trying to keep to diarys somewhat updated is kinda hard. But so far, I really am doing alright.

Anyway a brief on me: Ankle hurts, am changing interview tomorrow to another day as said ankle hurts to bad to hobble all over Chicago. Also train doesn't get back until 1:30 - I cannot go to work that late when I told boss (who already was pissed I had to take half day for fake dr. appt. ... ) ... so I'm going to call interviewer and say a meeting is manadatory at the paper and I must go and will reschedule.

Either way I play this game I'm fucked. I'm praying someone will understand and it'll go smoothly.

Hoping business will understand the constraints of newspaper work and full time job ... and trying to get off in a sneaky manner for job interview in Chicago. Taking half days when fucking back up for my job is on vacation Monday.

So GOD PLEASE please PLEASE let it turn out okay.

Somehow I feel this is a bad bad idea, anyway I play this, I have to piss off someone.

I really don't want to gamble on MY current job, so interviewer will have to take brunt. On top of this - sisters fiance will drive me, however seemingly like Wednesday is ONLY day to go as everyone's schedule is fucked up.

So I'm just slightly STRESSED and wishing pooks was here cause I know he'd go w/ me...fuck me I'd go on my own - train wise...but foot is bad still ...

I feel like crying, everyway you look at this, it's shit shit shit! I mean so many facets to one tiny thing ... a thing that could be a lot of hassle that equates to no new job.

Just a rejection letter or ignoring of emails/calls again. Or possible second interview where the game begins again ... where...next week I HAVE to fill in for my boss where I cannot take any days off.

Fuck. This was soo much easier when pooks was here and could drive.

Oh well...

Now I have another fucked up status in my life.

The Illinois guy is back ... we talked today after a month. He went to a wedding last night and got drunk and today somehow realized that he really likes me a lot.

I'm like...uh...well sorry I want a man who'll be attentive to me, and well not talking to me ... for a MONTH well that's not to attentive.

So supposedly he's going to call me this week. I'm like ... okay whatever dude. I'm feeling like he's just making me a fantasy and making up some dreams of a golden relationship and all this shit when in fact ... no one has lifted a finger. When in fact I feel so confused and feeling now he has to prove himself.

Should he stop talking/no contact again for a long period of time, that's it.

I also got a phone call from "new guy" ... the one that lives down the street from where I work. The mama's boy.

Sweet guy though. After we talked last night (I was dazed/on to many pain killers) I really felt like I turned him off.

But then got an email saying how he enjoyed talking and looking forward to talking again. Aw.

Then IM'ed .. then another call today. We chatted and it was a better talk.

He asked me to lunch today I said no due to my ankle still hurting .. and he was kind of bummed about it ... but understood. I said look if I wasn't interviewing this week, I would go. And I can go anytime this week.

So far ... so good. Happy with him so far. Hate to put that "so far" on it, but again I'm taking all these new possible guys with a grain of salt.

No giving of the heart and time until they have PROVED themselves to me that they are serious.

Also was propositioned for sex twice today.

Thanks, but no thanks. Not sure what about me says "I'm a whore" but somehow my friendly face says, "fuck me."

So yeah, kinda happy that two guys are interested, suddenly boom here they are.

Very nice, kind ones that I could see possible relationship with ...should they not turn psycho.

Also job interview at place I really want to work at, very very happy about nix the getting there part.

Just the thought of getting that job, makes me want to jump for joy.

Feels like my prayer list finally got the OK from God. Or God is teaching me lessons to be learnt right now.

I believe for everything, there is something to be learned. Even in my ankle sprain, seeing how I'm being taken care of ... so many nice people and letting people do things for me ... it's humbling.

So yeah, it's like ... it sucks, yes, but the lesson learned is invaluable. Thanks God.

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pet ramps