Someone tell me why the FUCK people can't get the a/c levels right in NW Indiana?

At work I went in and it's like cold, I leave and it's so hot and humid in there all my papers are curling up.

I get home and my SISTER seems to think she's from like Mexico cause she keeps the house like at 77 degrees in side, the upstairs where our rooms are ... it about 80 degrees. YEAH HEAT DOES RISE. And she's like "I'm cold" ... WTF!?

So I'm just tired of being hot. I'm already sweaty from hobbling about and only can wear long pants and I don't really have any summer clothes...I'm fucking sweating all the friggin time.

I'm kinda edgy today. Sorry.

Found out I'll have to WALK on Monday - Chicago ...from the train across Michigan Ave. down the street some and to my job interview.

Yeah my foot still hurts and I still can't walk on my heel...and I'm beginning to FREAK OUT.

I know it will turn out, but still it's stressful to think that I have to HOBBLE ACROSS MICHIGAN AVENUE.

That is ... yes FOUR LANES OF TRAFFIC. That is like...hurry up hobbling. ARAAGH!!!

I'm praying that my foot continues to heal as everyday it gets a lil' better and today everyone said I was walking faster. Now at a snails pace.

OH anyway, whatever I'll worry more on Sunday if I am still this bad as today I feel really...blah.

Tired ... blah-ish ... and just hot temp. wise.

I started talking to a new guy who lives near here, an internet "talking" not sure if I expect anything, but not to much caring right now. More like uh, whatever dude.

Erm. Anyway ... I asked him what he looks for in a girl and the first thing he says is BEAUTY.

WTF! This guy is overweight and he's okay looking. I love how these un-hot guys want drop dead gorgeous chicks just because they have a good job. Hello trophy girlfriend part two.

It's like come on dude, grow the fuck up, I mean I know my limits on guys. I don't say I want some beef cake with a face like a God and a bank account like a Hilton ... no way.

Anyway, I'm still feeling like crap due to my ankle still feeling like shit ... and the whole job thing and stuff.

Thought about ex-boy today for some reason, am wishing I could forget the thing like it never happend but one of my friends at work (he hangs out w/ ex boyfiend) ... well he's been WERIOD to me lately and I'm wondering what happend because it just feels like something was said ... but I figured to just let it go. The friendship doesn't mean that much to me and I really do not, never, ever want to talk w/ ex again about anything.

I was thinking today evil thoughs about how when he dies no one will care. I layout the obits in the paper and fancy myself seeing his one sentence obit with him never fucking getting that divorce, his wife will inherit all those bills and that piece of shit, trash heap house and those disgusting dogs of his...yuck.

Evil thought. I know.

But I realized, I felt used for that relationship and to put that pain and hurt into something ... sometimes I think evil thoughts of things that would give him pain.

But I realize there is no need for that. He's already living a life that will never come out to fruitation, he has a personality that will never, ever mature. He's the most selfish, he just ... makes me say, never again will I be so stupid and turn my cheek away and make up so many explanations.... Believe his lies. So much ... so much went down and I ignored it and let him take control and I stood there stupidly, conned ... or whatever. I feel embarrassed I let that happen.

So in that, I've come to symbolize him as the stupidest part of me that I'm glad is gone. And I am happy that I don't have to put up with that shit and that disgusting house and life of his and all this false glory when it comes down to just this sad, sad man ... who has nothing but talks himself up to be something that he isn't.

He says he's a writer and he's not. I read part of a story he wrote and it was awful. I know I can and could write circles around him. But yet when we were together HE was the writer and the artistic one...when...I think I was the more creative.... He was a copier, never original things...seriously. Which goes in his USING theme...I should've seen it.

Should've known.

Now I have this new guy there waiting to meet me and it's like buddy it takes a lot now, to get to me. Because I am not letting myself go down that poisoned path. No. And this whole beauty comment, I hope he's talking about inner beauty or something.

It's always hard to get turned down by the ugly guys. But anymore, I think anything bad, does have good. Turn me down, but happy we never made it.

Things like that, it just depresses me. I cannot seem to have a real relationship, something tangible, some met here and zoom were here in a matter of weeks and now months later we're there ... and so on.

Even if that didn't work out, it's hope that love and relationships are real. For now, I just see the darkness in it all. The death in life.

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pet ramps