Check out my new-ish diary - http://sourgurl77.blogspot.com/

Will continue to update this one for a while - then make move to other one!

Well I ordered some excellent scar concealer from www.covermark.com

I have nasty nasty scars from carbunkles I used to get as a kid (hereditary, thanks mom and dad) - well I used to get them in my pits and on my thighs/inner thighs.

With age they've diminished, however the scars are still purple-ish and there are actual scars produced in some areas.

I didn't really worry on this when I had a boyfriend and wondered if he ever saw them or felt a scar lumpy feeling ... he never said anything if he did.

But why I'm doing this? Well my GYN appointment is coming up ... granted it's in uh ... "30 Days" ... shit wasn't that a zombie movie?

Well anyway I'll spread my legs to some chick I've never met before on June 30th. I really don't want to, but I know I have to get this exam done because I feel like maybe something is wrong with me internally. I'm thinking maybe a nice cyst or tumor or something.

Hopefully not cancer as my grandma died of ovarian cancer in February. That would be a nice touch to my parents worries.

No, I do not think it's that.

Still, anyway, the scar thing ... I just hate for this chick to be giving me a boob exam and see these funky discolored areas ... or see a slightly purple mark on my stomach. I'm sure she's seen worse...but to me...under a florescent light my skin LOOKS purple. I mean I have fair fair skin. Under some harsh lighting it looks purple like I'm dead or something.

Fuck me and my pure white, translucent shit skin. I wish I was darker skinned and more even a skin tone.

OKAY so I bought this kit from Covermark for $30 bucks - scar kit - to conceal.

I will dab a lil on probably when I go just so I can feel normal.

Still I read up today on the procedures of going in and telling them that I'm probably a virgin, but he did stick it in, but it was only for a moment ... and yes I did bleed, but I swear it was just a second.

Then the no current boyfriend, and irregular periods talk. She'll tell me I'm fat and need to lose weight.

I'll say no shit sherlock.

Then I'll lie down and the molestation will start. First the breast exam where I'll feel like a goon as this strange woman feels me up.

Then the scooting to the end of the table. I looked up gyn tables today because I've never seen one and was unsure how my feet will go in those stirrups or whatever ... the whore positions where I'll be spread eagle and the doc can check under da hood.

Listen, I worry about the whole "scooting" thing. In a paper gown and a small blanket ... having to do this in the span of 2 seconds as she does whatever she needs to...

Then do I flop my feet in those stirrups? Do I wait for her to tell me to? Do I cover myself up or just let the blanket fall? Will she gasp in horror when she sees my crotch?

I worry about smell too ... I am a clean girl, but you can clean your private area all day and still have a slight crotch odor/funk. I'm sure this lady has smelled worse, but I wonder about these things.

Then the whole spectulum in your coo - that if you're not relaxed will be painful. I read it makes you feel "full" down there.

WTF does that mean?

Still, I know myself that I will be nervous and scootch down and flop my legs in those things and lay back and just try to breathe and not move a muscle. I somehow paralyze myself somehow and deal with any pain by thinking about other things.

Oh yeah it'll be LOVELY when she sticks her fucking finger in me too. God DAMN.

They say it only lasts for 5 minutes. But you know 5 minutes is like an eternity sometimes like when you're waiting for a ride or waiting for food at McDonald's and have to pull up as they bring it out.

5 mins might as well be an hour.

It's odd to say this lady will be the first person to be up front and have a mini conversation with my coo.

*shutter*

I just feel at odds with the whole crotch thing, I don't know why - basically embarrassed that I've A. got some scars and B. am fat.

BUT ALAS, my period is irregular and I've had cramps off and on for the past two days. I believe the bastard is trying to make a comeback, so June 30th might just be a feeling-me-up and put me on birth control to regulate me, THEN do the crotch thing.

Though I really hope it stays away so I can get this all done with, then lucky me I'll have to do this every fucking YEAR for the rest of my life!

Geez, why don't guys have to do this stuff? Really there aren't any dick-docs who focus just on "exams" and scrap shit in them and stuff.

Fuckers.

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pet ramps