Okay I finally have figured it out.

I attract older men. I'm one of those girls who date older men and end up being some type of trophy girls.

I'm not beautiful, I'm not thin.

What do they see in me? My friend says innocent, I'm too innocent.

Me...I'm like, all the time, these older mean 40's, 50's, they seem to think I want them.

They talk to me and say I'm "attractive" that I'm "sexy" all of these things and it's like what's your game.

What's the deal.

So this guy, I shall call him "Chicago Loft" because he owns a Loft in the Chicago Loop. Is 48, divorced is an executive VP for an export biz. He has two kids 18 and 12 that live near him.

Owns a ranch in texas, vacations in Florida all the time.

This man, is rich - owning a loft in the Loop? Think at least 100,000 for whatever rent is.

This man is a playboy or something. But part of me wants to see how that goes.

How "dating" someone like that goes.

Does this compromise myself? I mean I'm not going to sleep with him, it's just a date to see and witness this.

On the other hand I have Conneticut man who is younger at 42, and again works in Forestry ... this man has money as well due to never being married nor has kids. He has a masters degree, a three bedroom house, two cars.

All these men with all their luxuries. I just see the luxuries. I just see these things I can have through a man if I look pretty and act fun and young and wonderful. A trinket for his arm to perfect the look.

Somehow I don't feel like one of those girls as I'm not Julia Roberts, I'm not Catherine Zeta Jones to this Micheal Douglas man.

So I don't know, another thing in my life right now to think upon.

Why can't I get guys MY AGE? Give me someone in their late twentys/early thirties and I'll be happy.

Somehow I don't think that's going to happen for me, I foresee myself with some older guy with the big condo and wearing diamonds in expensive clothing and wondering where I went wrong.

I guess you can say a date is just a date.

So he wants to know when we can go out...man.

With everyone breaking up and leaving and changing of minds ... it's like how do you even start to find happiness when you're fucked if you go in with a clear mind, or go in already bitter?

Happiness, is the holy grail, it's heaven. I swear it. Some people never find it and soon find their own personal hell ... while others are so in happiness that they glow and heaven is abundant.

Right now, I'm in limbo, I thought I had happiness, but it really was hell foolin' me.

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pet ramps