"When I was looking with calm affection, you were searching out my imperfections.
What a waste of unconditional love! On someone who doesn't believe in the stars above." From a song "Oh Well" ... how I feel about my ex-boyfiend

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Oh man ex-boyfiend IM'ed me the other night. All asking how I am like we're old friends, like he didn't treat me like SHIT.

So I'm all like cold. And then he asks if I'm seeing anyone where I work. I say...no....WHY? He said when we were dating he thought I held interest for someone there!

WTF! I said I only was window shopping because HE was the one that said THAT was okay. Fucker.

Then he said he wanted to know where I met people because he's just "looking out for me."

Fuck you! I was like whatever. So we got into it about how he needs to fucking get over his wife and I told him he's been singing the same fucking POOR ME song since I met him.

So he said ... "I'm done, I'm never falling for anyone again." I think my friend at work is right, I think ex thinks that I would come crawling back and aways be that STUPID girl. I told ex that he got "saved" by our relationship but all I got was absolutely nothing. Everyone thought that was to harsh for me to say. But is it not true? All I got was a lesson: don't compromise yourself to ugly asshole goons.

ANYWAY So I said "OH FUCKING WAH WAH WAH GET OVER IT."

So it felt good but a part of me felt maybe I was a bit to much, to bitchy.

A part of me realized how much I loathe him, the other L word now. How I don't care, I don't care. He's poison to me, he wilts me entirely. Life sucker!!

The only thing was I don't want to be one of those shitty people, that's below me and that's the only thing I was worried about.

Considering what I was dealing with, I know I can act like a fool and still be above that white trash loser. He's a fucking disease.

Everyone at work told me how he'll never grow up and is immature and a loser. I wanted to say why did you wait to tell me this?

The people I did introduce him to said two things: I can do better and he does not impress them.

But that's just him, he tried to make himself seem so great, but man once you take time to stop and look, he's just shit wrapped in a colorful ribbon. In that filthy house which I cannot even describe the stink of it and how I had to wash EVERYTHING I wore whenever I went there ... even my fucking bag .... Waiting hours, days to pick up dog shit and never cleaning up dog urine from three dogs. Saddly I'm not making that up. Fucking filthy sloppy pig.

It's funny to see this ... what was I thinking?

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So now I'm back, ol' Yenni is back. Hi.

Now I'm talking to this guy who is so nice and sweet. He's just...really ... wonderful. I hear his voice and I smile.

Me...smiling again. Yes.

Even if this doesn't work out, that's okay, right now it's good cause he's very attentive and enduring. He actually cares and treats me like gold.

He is also thin - well average - and in his early 30's.

A man afraid to lose me. A man who thinks I'm wonderful.

So odd and so great a feeling. And this man has no baggage.

There are other fish in the sea, this I now know. Others DO want me. It's funny when it happens, when you realize that you are wanted by others.

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Anyway, I also made an appointment to go to the gyn .... yikes. I'm tired of irregular periods. Screw that.

So I'm going to get on birth control and get tested for PCOS. I don't know if I have it or not, sometimes I think I might ... other times no.

I also am going to start eating on the WW CORE plan. A low carb type of thing. I read if you have PCOS .. and eat low carb you will lose weight due to insulin or something.

All I know is it is very hard for me to lose weight...and that to me ... PCOS...a symptom.

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pet ramps