What is this part of me, that wants happy people to lose that happiness and feel pain?

My sister and her boyfriend, they flaunt their love in front of broken hearted, disgusted with love, me and all I wish for sometimes is for something to happen so they can see how I feel.

How when you hear them talk about their kids, their marriage, their life together, their happiness ... I sit here thinking about my unhappiness, my lack of love, my lack of trust in males, my lack of career, my lack of anything of value in my life.

I think of ... how I have nothing. And those thoughts consume me and make me hate hate hate.

I want my unhappiness to ooze out so everyone can relate. Please relate, I think, to me when I frown cause I'm hearing stuff or seeing stuff and feeling like I'll never find anything remote to happiness or love.

I thought I had it, but that was just unhappiness and hate cloaked by sugar coating and rose colored glasses.

All I can do, all that I taste in my mouth anymore is hate, hate, hate.

I pray for this feeling to go away, but in fact, I know I need to work on myself and in that, I think this is why, God maybe be helping me to move away, take that West Layfette job to go out on my own and find myself because I thought being home would produce me. It hasn't.

And I'm still lost.

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pet ramps