They say there is this weriod cold going around here and I wonder if I have it or am getting it. Basically you just feel tired and achy with a slight running nose/sore throat. I know today I already have a headache (I believe will turn into another migraine) and my back hurts and my stomach feels weriod.

If I could, I would call off. But thinking that I don't feel THAT bad, and I have to see my therapist today ... I will muddel through.

I did the gym thing yesterday, it was so fucking packed! I mean it's a huge gym but I couldn't even get on the ellipical so I road the bike there for like 50 mins and then did some weight lifting.

I feel kinda blah today, am happy to see therapist because I'm feeling slightly depressed again. I mean I'm happier, but yet bitter.

Like fucking guy who calls me, doesn't sometimes when he says he will ... or not at all. Hasn't hinted at meeting, though was at the bookstore when I was there, and called me (I didn't hear my phone).

Sorry, I don't like "chance" encounters, if you want to meet me, then fucking meet me. Make a plan, make a date and let's do this thing. I refuse to get into any type of relationship where a guy fucks around and isn't there.

No more of that bs.

SO I guess I'm still missing being in a relationship - well just the feelings evoked and a known date on a Friday night.

But I believe God has some plan for me, maybe right now I'm not ready for anything and just need to exist. I'm tired of being the single girl, I had 5 months taste of it and now I want to see what else is out there. I know better things are, and I am a nice girl and I'm pretty and have a good life going, but somehow there aren't any good guys out there shopping for a girl like me.

I'd like to take my wares elsewhere, maybe college will produce a relationship, a new job - meaning new location - work in Chicago ... a whole new dating pool?

Will weight loss help me out? I think only my confidence. I know I am going to the gym a lot more now, fuck this shit, I'm tired of feeling tired all the time.

So right now, I'm still changing and haven't yet reached a point where I feel all that confident.

So it'll be interesting to hear what therapist has to say ... I don't feel like talking today as well. I feel tired and cranky. I hope I don't sit there and want to cry the whole time. I think basically just being there, made me feel like oh my god, it's real.

I'm really in ... therapy? Me? There is such a stigma to that ... someone in therapy ... sounds like someone who just cant' cope ... and I wonder if that's me? I wonder if she thinks I'm some preppy girl who can't buy that shirt she wants cause daddy won't give her the money ... wah.

I just think I'm the girl with to much ambition ... that has a set path in mind for life, but wants to much, and isn't willing to negotitate, and has gotten lost somewhere.

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pet ramps