Ugh, I've had an overload of stuff this past day or two.

Just to much and to much thinking to be done that I finally realized that I'm tired of thinking about everything and just need a break.

I know my life isn't perfect, most of the things in my life - boyfriend included - have bumps and curves and things left to interupation and things to be chatted on and things to think upon and cry on and just ... right now.

Right now, I have so many comments, sugguestions, this is how it is Jen, it looks this way, listen here ... just to much lately.

Not that I don't welcome it, but at the same time, right now I'm over loaded and right now I'm thinking I need to work things out for myself and let myself make decision based wholy on myself, my own thoughts and not those of others.

I believe to much in what others say to be true when in reality, no one really knows me, or my boyfriend or my sister or my parents. I can say my sister is horrible, but she's really not, sometimes I only write the shitty stuff about her.

My boyfriend, with all of his problems, anymore, I'm to the point where I don't want to hear anything about it. I'm tired of it. I'm already getting tired of him, I need a break from him - NOT BREAK UP - just a mini vacation from everything, everyone I know because I'm just foggy.

And last night at his party, he knew this because I was distant and angry and hurt and crazy because of all of these ISSUES in my head and all of this SHIT that seems to be there, in front of me, the red flags, the things that don't mean anything, in love and out of love, all there in my head questioning and just consuming me in such a way that I simply will not have it right now.

Done with thinking and pondering and finally listening to my mom when she says to just have fun, don't be serious yet, you're still young and above all if things don't work out, there are other fish in the sea.

But alas, I'm tired of this talk, and so fucking tired of conversation telling me what is right, wrong and what needs to be fixed in my life. I don't know where I lost control and gave pieces of myself up to listen to others, to dictate what I should and shouldn't be doing/acting. When did I give that up? Listening to my mom tell me what to do, my sister telling me why I don't this, even my boyfriend chiming in on how this should be done.

No, I'm regaining control back and will not, anymore, listen to others. At least not for a while ... and even then, half heartedly or whatever. I just need to BE right now.

Let me work and see if I get this new. Let me get back on WW and exercise like mad again.

Right now, those two things, though selfish, are the main things in my life. Boyfriend has now been given a backseat...I'm back in the drivers seat and no longer over analzying it all and hoping and wishing because right now, I don't believe in that stuff. Right now I don't know what I want anymore.

Just two stable things in my life ...work and dieting/exercising. Those things I can handle, everything else, for a while ... will just be....

So enough already, this isn't a new beginning or chapter, just whatever, cut the shit type of thing. Enough.

�

pet ramps