I meant to update yesterday but I'm in one of those - not enough time to do anything.

I really don't know where all this time goes anymore. I think it's work, I go and work and work and go to the gym sometimes or to the grocery store and home to cook and do some odd chore. I look at the clock and then it's 10 pm and I'm tired and ... and ... yeah I lose time.

So I can't remember why I'm updating today or why I wanted to yesterday. Today is my boyfriends "party" for his going away.

Yesterday was really odd without him at work. Kinda felt sad yet happy. I know it'll be good for us, kind of like time to think and stuff. And should we ever break up, at least we don't have to worry about at work stuff. So eh.

It was hard not to search the room for him with my eyes as I found myself often doing. I am breaking myself of it and did pretty good yesterday but still whenever I walk into the newsroom I cannot help glance over there as if he'll magically be there.

But I'm beginning to be OK with this because I think we both maybe need to stop and think sometimes about us and not have that pressure of the person being like right there, everyday. Like me, right now, for some reason - I love him, however, I need some space.

Not break up space, but some time for me to just be ... w/o thinking about him or whatever. I think I've reached the peak of obsession or whatever infatuation where now it's like okay ... yeah ... I'm tired of over thinking everything and just need a break to sort my self out.

I'd never say this to him because it can be twisted into me feeling differently, which I don't. It's the type of think that fuck face who read my diary to him would read and leaving me to explain it.

Anyway, I think next weekend I'm going to get an eye glass appointment and a hair appointment. I'm growing out my hair, but it needs to be a controlled growth or else it'll start looking like shit - like it's beginning to. It's a hard transition and even harder when you ask your stylist to please just TRIM IT and they seem to lop off to much and you're back at square one! It's like fucker I asked you to TRIM IT not shear it.

Anyway, I got so sick at the gym yesterday, oh my gawd! I had a tamale for lunch and it was spicy ... there for it was heartburn CITY for me. I mean like I felt like I was going to throw up. So I rode the bike for 22 minutes and went to the ellipicals and they were all being used so I said fuck it I feel like shit and left. But at least I went twice this week. I think I ought to go more ... well now that I don't have my guy here and I am starting WW.

I did weigh myself and good ... Jesus...yeah. Yikes.

Erm I have to get to work, I leave at 4:30 to pick up my boyfriend then off to his par-tay. Oddly enough, I don't feel as amarous as I normally do. I'm wondering if this has to do with my PMS or what happend last time in bed ... I feel ... turned off ... for some reason right now? I do not know why.

I hope tonight when we're alone I get into some type of mood. But right now, I really just feel like all I want to do is just be left alone? Is that odd? Must be PMS cause it's acting very wacky with starting and stopping and right now I don't know what it's doing down below... it should be "stopped" by now if it decides to do it normal...but somehow I don't think it will. So that part of tonights feature might be cut out of our alone time. Which right now, ... thinking of stuff I normally do...I just do not feel like it whatsoever. Oooh what's wrong with me?

I tried to tell the boyfriend that yesterday, but he equated that with me not loving him? I don't understand how people act like intimate stuff is just a side feature of a relationship...but look at the boyfriends reaction. The thing is I don't feel any differently for him or love him any less...I just do not feel ... in the mood? Or like myself? I don't feel well, entirely I believe that must be it.

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pet ramps