Ah, today is the last day my guy works at where we work.

I'm happy for him, completely. At first I was kind of scared for him to go because I think it changes the relationship dynamic thing. I mean we met at work and ... it's been a part of our relationship.

However, now I'm curious to see what will happen. Everyone has told me ... absense makes the heart grow fonder. I guess that will be tested and seen and lately I'm trying to wrap my mind around how it will be ....

I think it all depends on communication, as in will we talk or email each other on a daily basis?

I'm not going to think about that right now, but just concentrate being there for him. I'm trying not to pass judgement and say what I'd do because I know I hated that when I was changing jobs. It's something only he can do and think out and be okay with. No one else has anything to do with his decision.

He did say he was doing it for "us" ... saying he'll be making more money and in turn will alleviate the house payments, and the divorce ... having no money for it ... strain. Yet I'm hoping he doesn't get that new-job spending spree thing. I know I did when I started working where I work, but then again I was on my last dollar ... and suddenly having money ... it's a great feeling.

But now I'm saving and nearly have $1,000 saved up. I've been frugal pretty much lately. I also am applying to a job within the place I work, so that would mean a pay raise and in a field where I'd love to be.

So I hope I at least get an interview, the job - newsdezigner (just in case a search engine finds my diary...) anyway that position is for THREE Jobs! So that's THREE people they'll need. And I have a leg up because I work there and they give us first consideration. So maybe there is a chance, but at least they will know what I'm going for.

Anyway, so my relationship - which yesterday was our anniversary of our first date all of these 4 months ago ... it's just so little time, 4 months! Half of half of a year. I mean short, small time and yet feeling like it's been at least a year.

I guess I can say we've come far really fast. I never thought I would be where I am intimately, but thankfully all of my fears have been debunked and cast away, and in the beginning, I remember posting that lil poem I found...the one about how I was first scared to kiss him, then scared to touch him, then scared to love him and now....most of all I'm scared to lose him.

Not that I feel I am, but if something should happen where he would fall out of love and me still in love, I cannot imagine that pain. I thought I was stronger than this, but I realize I'm not anymore. So when I read lovestreet's diary ... about what happend to her, that is scary.

On the flip side, when I read how it's hard for her to love again, I wonder if that is how my guy is since the same kind of happend to him on the flip side. His wife left him, just saying "I'm not happy" and then leaving. No discussion. Nothing. Goodbye, thanks for the 7 years....

So I guess it's good to hear her side and her feelings and kind of relate that to my boyfriends when me, the unhurt in love - is pushing him and sitting there wondering why he didn't do this or if he really even cares that much ....

Okay, so him leaving today, I do not feel sad, but just werid. I think I'm scared this change will change both of us, I'm sure it's bound to when for the past 6 months we've seen in each other everyday, and for the past 4 months, have seen in other with secret looks and loving eyes and touching hands and emails and and and....

So I'm curious yet scared, but happy overall that this is a good change for him. I think he doesn't see this yet, but I think with his past and all that shit, this is such a good change for him. Going to a place where you can simply start over.

So in career he's started over, with me he's started over, and now, hopefully he will continue this rolling ball of starting over.

It's not such a bad thing. I've done it so many times in my career ... in my love life, I've dated and dated and never knew what I wanted and never knew love and what a relationship was until I met him.

So I guess I'm a lil' bit thankful of him and his worth, is seemingly all the more to me now. Finally there, done, here we are. Now where do we go from here - type of thing.

Okay I better go, I'm late for work again. I'm so bored with my job that I've become careless a lot anymore or maybe not concentrating as I should.

Hm. I also am going to get my hair colored/cut next weekend (I think) ... and also get new glasses, and next week is WW introduction meeting. So right now I think I want to focus on myself a lil' just some minor changes that I think I need to go from - older Jen back to young Jen.

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pet ramps