well.

I think I found me-self an apartment.

I was lookin' in the paper because anymore I come home and feel unhappy and wake up unhappy and am generally unhappy when I'm at home.

This is due to my sister ... she let her boyfriend move in. I do not like him and don't like how she treats me (it's my house type of thing) ... and I don't like him and I don't like him. He annoys me, she annoys me, I'm not happy. Plus he brings his fucking kid here a lot and I just sit in my room the whole time....

So yes, I've been saving monay and also looking for a place to live.

This place is in a pretty good area - very NW Indiana region place - it's $520 a month (utilities included) ... and best of all it's a SMALL house. Not an apartment complex, but a dinky, cute lil' house.

I drove by it today and took a pic w/ my camera phone - I'd post it, but my phone hasn't emailed the pic yet....

Anyway, I'm thinking this dinky house - it something kinda coolio. I mean my own place ... granted I know I'll be eatin and livin po' now ... but I'll be on my OWN. I get like $1,400 a month ... soo. Eh, I guess it's not that bad.

SO I think I'm going to call tomorrow and ask if I can see the place - I'm taking boyfriend with me cause I've never had an apartment before like this. I just hope the place isn't gross inside. I cannot stand that.

It looked okay from the outside...and fuck I was so overjoyed to see it was this HOUSE. I mean soo small, but still, like I can blare music and it'd just be...MY place to blare music to.

However, should I move in, I shall get some fucking security shit...like hiding my jewelry AND my violin stuff. I know da region and I'm not taking any chances.

Anyway, my guy's last day at work is next Wednesday. I'm sooo happy for him, I wish I was in his shoes in the career area - it sucks when you're still just beginning. I mean sometimes I do not realize just how young I am. Like it's been years since I graduated college...when in fact it's only been like 4 years?

Anyway, I got him a lil' gift for leaving...since he comes by my desk at work for medicine and stuff, I got him a whole bag of goodies.

Yes, and today mark your calendars...I bought condoms. Me. Yes. I bought them. I always said to myself, when I'm ready to have sex, I'll buy condoms w/o feeling embarrassed. But I kind of got them as a gag gift for my boyfriend - I mean I got the slutty ones - some pleasure pack box ... and I tossed it into my basket and threw a shirt I was buying over it.

I picked some girl who was young and chubby to check out at ... thinking maybe she'd be like ohhh yeah good for you. But I just tossed them on the counter along with some female spray ... and something else...I also bought some beano (ha!) because I'm making my guy a meal w/ cabbage in it. I KNOW what cabbage does...so lol! Kind of like a gag ... actually use it type of thing.

Anyway, so today was pretty good. I'm excited about the apartment prospect. I saw the place and kinda felt like...hey I'd .. like to see if I could make it.

Other than this, I skipped the gym again - I had a headache and wanted to see the apartment location and wanted to go shopping for my guys gift.

Tomorrow I WILL GO. I also have to buy stamps and stuff. I'm paying a bill now at my sisters - fucking $80 bucks fo' internet and I think DSL?

Damn! But then again, if I get my own place I'm sure I will have to get cable and probably dsl too? I know I am taking my computer here at my sisters ... her boyfriend HAS a computer and I BOUGHT my parents computer (it was mine, but they use it) ... so I'm taking this computer here.

Okay I'm not going to start planning a move until I see the place and all that it entails. My boyfriend is going to check it out with me. I told him about it today and he was happy. A part of me wanted to say, I wish you could move in with me ... to make things easier. Another part wanted to say, can't you ask me - though I probably wouldn't - to move in with you? Even as a kind gesture? or maybe I've fucked that one up already.

Oh well, it's okay - I'm trying not to let things get to me anymore - trying to see things at face value and not dive in and dwell in these dark places I can create for myself. It is what it is.

Anyway, I don't know why but I've come to hate where I live - wanted to come home and now I'm here and hating ... hating hearing kisses in the dark, whispers from my fucking disrespecting sister's boyfriend as well as sister who allows that to happen in FRONT OF ME or near enough I can hear it. Yes, I've heard those things that go on in porn and while at the computer, them in the living room doing ... something that involves lips smacking and hands gliding across fabrics....I hear and/or see all of these things....and to me....it's so disrespectful. To me, it turns me into this hurt, bitch because I hate it, hate to be around that, and am starting to feel that way towards my own sister, does she even care anymore?

I just feel pushed out and unspoke words asking when I'll be leaving and him wishing I could stay longer at my boyfriends during the weekend...or my sister asking why I don't go to my guys during the weekdays...all equate to unspoke, but felt ... get out's, time to hit the road, please don't make me say it.

But I feel it.

So if this one doesn't turn out, that's okay, there will be others, but it's nice to think of these things right now.

Oh, I also miscalculated my period starting, I thought it was coming Sunday, but in fact it is next week (I hope)...I do not have any signs of it - other than being really amorous right now - but I think that was because I miss my boyfriend.... I know it's coming as I am kind of tired and more headachy than normal...but I feel like perhaps my period might skip this month ... just feel that way because it's done this in the past when I spot after my period...so let's hope cause I'm spending the night at my guys ...and there is nothing worse then laying there wondering if you SMELL like period or if you've had an accident....

Well among other things.....

Oh, and thanks to AppleRobot - I am going to be starting a seperate diary. Just of things that I cannot talk on here since this diary is to easily found - I need one to vent onto about relationships or ... you know ... I will tell only those who have posted in my NOTES about this diary - and will still post things here - but will tell when I've added something to my secret diary....ya know. So whoever cannot FIND my new diary since there is nothing linking me to it, no screenname ... no names/pics posted ... nothing. I cannot wait to begin it! I still am working on it...getting stuff together. I'm excited. UPDATE*** Here is the pic of the "house/apartment" I am looking at

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