Man this week here in Michigan with me parents ... it's been just a heavy lifting, moving, planning and cleaning thing.

I got their computer (well MY computer) up to par, the thing need a security update and stuff really badly.

So I'm happy that it's okay and ready to go. The truck and van is unpacked, then the furniture in the cottage has been moved out and stuff brought in and out...etc. So the parents are happy. I'm happy with how the house looks inside. I wish I could take a pic, but I don't have the energy to get my camera phone and yeah....

I talked to my guy/boyfriend yesterday a little bit - still no word on the counter offer for his current job (got a new job) ... it's kinda weriod and must feel really good for him to have two companies that want him. Undoubtedly he's talented - and has worked 10 years where we both work. So sometimes it's like damn I wish I was like that ... that good. But I know I'm young and kind of still starting out and also ... unsure of what I really want to be doing still.

Write or design? Design or graphic design? Graphic design or news design? So many choices ... yet so little choices when the jobs simplly are not there and you're left bitching about your pay and hours and seeing your boyfriend make more monay than you and and not have to do as much as you.

Eh, but I know I know it's all with experience and years experience and shit. So I don't complain, we're different people and I am so so proud of him and what he has accomplished job wise. Seriously, I think it's impressive and perhaps a little bit of a role model to me - though I'd never tell him all of that ... don't want that to get to his head. ;) I'm sure he knows it, or sees it or thinks it...whatever.

So sometimes, being his girlfriend is kind of odd ... I know our age difference, but the job thing and accomplishments thing ... he has years on me - something I cannot help because I am young. So somehow we're at different places in our lives - and a lot of the time we do not realize this or we do and somehow it works out between us. Maybe because we both want the same things ... love ... relationship? Someday marriage, kids? Maybe we're afraid to be alone, something? I don't know, but I do know it works right now. We both aren't ready to give up on each other. Both say we're never the ones to walk away.

Anyway ... I go back to work Monday - uggh! I really liked this time off and will miss this tiny break from it all. It was nice, but now I'm getting ready to get back into reality. Work, boyfriend, gym stuff. That is my life it seems now.

I start WeightWatcherss soon - in March. I'm kinda excited to because the thought of someone weighing me every week...yikes!! That alone I think will just get me into gear.

I welcome that new committment thing, that new obsession. It's funny because I thought only women would go to those meetings, however men have signed up too. I don't know if I feel...comfy talking about myself in front of so many people - people I work with - like say, yeah I have this obsession with like uh McDonalds!

Well not really, but you know what I mean. I'll have to ease into it all, and then bitch about having to pay so much for it.

I also am going to start playing my violin again. I got the bow my grandmother wanted me to have, also the last piece of music she was working on before she died. I want to start learning it again, learning music and how to read it better and count the beats in measures and stuff.

So I foresee me setting aside time now for all of these things. I also want to start being different and more open with my boyfriend. I dont' know, but before maybe I kept to many things inside when I should've said something or whatever.

I also am going to cut off flirting with anyone. I know I talked to him before about this and he thinks it's okay for us to to "flirt" with others. But to me - well I have flirted with guys and I end up feeling like I'm cheating or a bad girlfriend somehow. So I've severed any ties to guys that I could potentially flirt with. I did a search on myself and found I was still on some dating sites. I removed myself from all of them. I think I'm still on one of them...but it's in the UK and I do not know HOW I got on it? Strange. But I can't see a UK man contacting me. So that's safe.

Also that dude at work, I kind of flirted with, but eh, why bother? I mean I don't want to be all like that, give a wrong impression and boom be in a weriod bind if he should take it to seriously. So okay I'm all business now and I don't want to play around. I don't like games and didn't like the feeling I got when my boyfriend heard of me flirting with other guys - even though he's "okay" with it ... I'm not ... and yeah ... screw it. I dont want anyone else right now, just him.

I realized this and told him that the other day, I felt like I fought so hard in our last "fight" to talk out how much I want to be with him. I wasn't lying and not even BS'ing. I mean it was from my heart entirely. I think I realized ... finally how he feels ... it took me a while, but I think I'm getting there. To this area where you're so afraid to lose the person you're with because it would just break my heart.

So yeah I've become one of those girls ... those girlfriends who suddenly talk about their boyfriends and do stuff and think about them ... that whole Ben-iffer thing. I'm not complaining, it's just odd for me, a new taste to get used to, but what I've always wanted I suppose.

Eh, oh well, I'm happy at this moment, that's all that matters.

My parents want my guy to come up to Michigan to meet them for Easter. I hope he does, though I'm sure it'll be so friggin scary ... but he's a lot like my dad and mom combined and I don't know anyone who doesn't like him. My mom asked me the other day ... how I knew I liked him.

The first day I started working, I was training and remember him coming by and talking with other people. He was just so fucking nice and funny. I just remember thinking: He has to be either married or dating someone.

Heh! But I knew he liked me the night of that party at the place we work...oh man, I knew then I was going to be his! It's my favorite memory of us. It was just so pure I guess.

Hmm...sometimes when you think back about all the good times you've had together ... it's like you fall in love all over again, it's wonderful. And for a moment you forget all of the ugly shit.

I'll call him tomorrow to see how his meeting went w/ the wifey. I might have to lock my diary entry on that one...for things I don't want people to repeat. Ya'll know how it is with me now, it's a sad thing, but I guess it was something I took as a risk, and thank God we made it through... I realize I didn't give our relationship that much strength and/or staying power, but ... I can see now how strong we are and trusting and loving, etc. I think it'd take a lot more to shake us ... something bigger to throw a kink in this engine.

Hum. Oh well I feel much much better now that I am away, could think and realize these things.

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pet ramps