Okay, I've unlocked my diary.

I've locked the entries that I don't want people to read ... the others, I don't really care about - if you're interested in how I get nutty at work, my period or friends or family. There are my posts from my cruiseline job, I think they are the best to read! They are my favorite.

If that interests you, by all means, read on and report back to me.

But I'd like to extend a great big thank you to the asshole who read my diary to my boyfriend.

To actually do a search for me on the net to "check out" my so called "background." ... Please, my background is as colorful as snow. I've done searches on myself too, and oddly enough my diary has been quoted (without my permission) on some sites, and I'm on some UK dating site? That boggles my mind. But regardless, GET A FRIGGIN LIFE! If you want to know my background just ask, I'll let you know everything. I have nothing to hide and I'm bad liar, so have at it.

Regardless, for the person that read my diary to my boyfriend, I cannot think of a worse thing to do to anyone. It's nearly like being raped ... taken advantage of. Granted my diary is open on the net, I figured everyone respected me enough not to search for it and if they did find it, to mind their own business. I always told my boyfriend that if he ever found it, not to read it...yet still I feel that he had the unabridged audio version of it from the ASSHOLE. To which I don't know if things were added to it, or taken out to sound more juicy. I'll never know and don't want to. Mind your own business dude!

Diaries aren't the end all, I write angry sometimes, happy, in love the next, then stupid and then just write whatever and forget about it.

And no, you cannot "accidentally" find it. I'm a computer geek too and there is no way to just come across it. I was checked up on. Don't lie.

But alas, I have been checked on and my boyfriend was read all of my doubts and what I sometimes think. I won't apologize for writing what I think. It's my diary, it's my world here. Someone came in and shit all over it and has ruined it.

So thanks! I appreciate it! Oddly enough, I'm not one to lie so when my boyfriend asked me about what this ASSHOLE read to him, I told him truthfully...I'm not going to lie about what I think. I told my boyfriend I'd sit down and read the entry this ASSHOLE read to him and explain what I was thinking at the time.

I'm not sorry for my thoughts. I'm just sorry this ASSHOLE hurt my boyfriend and seriously hurt me too - this person doesn't even know me or us. I could see if I had a past ... but let's see, I'm 27 and went to college, and worked in Michigan and worked on a cruise line and now work back in Indiana. No divorce or kids in there, just boring work notes.

So yes, it was a big ordeal yesterday when I had to explain my own thoughts to someone I care about. I mean fuck, please find the entry I flip out about my sister, and give her a call as well.

But alas, what is done, is done. I'm slowly getting over it and explained all the questions my guy had about it ... and he's okay now too. But it's sad that I have to now lock and hide away my thoughts because of ASSHOLES who took the time to do a search on me and report back. Does it really matter? I mean I wish you would've read the good stuff too. But the the bad stuff is more interesting I guess.

Anyway ... I'm not spending anymore time on this, it was very nice of my friends to support me on it ... everyone with the same reaction ... "*shock* Oh my god how cruel, what a jerk! Who is he?"

Thanks for the notes and the phone calls. I am okay now ... somehow after all of this my guy and I are okay. Granted the "honeymoon" is over and now the real relationship emerges, we're somehow closer. Yes we still love each other.

And shockingly I have doubts and issues still, but things that aren't threatening enough to break us up. It just sucks that ... I had to go through another heart break like this by someone I don't even know ... when I'm just getting over my grandma's death (it's only been a week now) ... so thanks! Really! Thanks a lot! Damn that was a good entry to read about her death, that at least would've shown my more ... caring side.

So I'm in Michigan until Sunday. My sister is coming up with her guy on Saturday and leaving Monday. I'm happy to be able to leave Sunday and just get up Monday and not have to wait for my sister to get out of the shower.

I'm still also looking for an apartment ... I figure my parents are now home and can help me move my stuff from Michigan to Indiana when the time comes. I am going to wait until Spring however. I figure that with this cold weather and snow, it wouldn't be a good idea to move just yet.

But oh how I plan it! I can't wait to be on my own. I wish I could get a better paying job somehow, but I figure I'm still young ... and still getting "experience" in my career - and yes still unsure of what I really want to be doing. I'm thinking either design or writing features. But eh I'll sit in my current job for some more time to try to see what falls into my life.

Anyway I'm helping dad unload the truck of my grandma's stuff. I still feel upset about her dying, and it's hard to get over it and realize she is gone. Like I thought she'd be here forever. I miss her still. So it's still hard for me.

I also have to call my guy because his job is counter offering because he's leaving. I told him how proud I was of him because that's impressive for a company to want to talk to you - to make you stay. But he doesn't want to stay and I don't blame him, it's to shakey where we work with layoffs and stuff. He'd be the first to go I'm sure if they decide to layoff again.

I'm calling him today sometime to see how it went, I hope it goes okay for him.

Anyway, so I have to go get ready to brave the cold to help unpack the last few years of my grandma's life. I do love the jewelry she had, it makes me laugh at some of the things she used to wear ... friggin star earrings!! Ha.

I'll try to update sometime in the next few days.

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pet ramps