I'm getting stupid now.

I mean I feel like I'm obsessing and over-analzying my relationship or whatever it is with work guy/Mr. Right.

It's like he'll walk by and not even look at me and I'm like OMG HE'S TIRED OF ME. Then moments later walk by and smile and do something to make me laugh and I'm like *sigh* I'm okay again.

I guess internally I'm going *crazy because I want this so bad to work and really dig him. So I'm acting and lashing out and just searching for the green light to say it's all ok.

But nothing has changed, I had dinner with him Monday and now it's like Thursday and I asked today when we're going to go out again.

Then I got paranoid that he didn't want to and was kaput with the ol' Yen. I kept thinking WHAT DOES HE WANT? A relationship?

WHAT! Then he emailed me that Sunday we could go out and that we could go to a walk, picnic, type of thing ... which okay I'm cool with.

But then he said he didn't know where to do this ... and he'd call if he thought of something.

So I kept thinking, what if he doesn't think of something, does that mean he won't call?

So I kinda was like...well what's going on and I got all FLIPPY.

Just FLIPPY. And just STUPID and WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?

JESUS, this isn't me. Fuck it!!! I'm going to STOP this over-anaylzing stuff because it's just dumb.

I'm making something so non-complicated, complicated.

I was ready to ask him what he wants. But then I remember our phone call where he told me what he had to offer: committment, 50/50 relationship, etc.

Aw. *Ahem* sorry. But I'm going to just let it be. Let it happen, let it go with the flow. If it doesn't work out, then it doesn't.

But right now, I don't want it to end and right now I just want to know where I stand and right now ... more like ... what is going on ... I know it'll be our second date, but fuck we talk and see each other everyday and I just want to get closer to him and be there for him. I don't think he's trusting me yet and hasn't really opened up to me as much as I wish he would.

I don't know. But it's nutty. I have mixed feelings about this whole thing. I like it and sometimes loathe this up and down stuff.

What I want? I want to get the labels out that he is my boyfriend and I'm his girlfriend type of thing so that I know ... so if he should want to dump me, he'd have to TELL me, not like ... my GOD my old baggage of guys just dropping off the face of the earth...

I don't know....

Just so nuts. I think this is PMS because I've been feeling really weriod lately. Stomach-aches, headaches, dizzy spells, all of that.

So I say PMS cause I'm not this neurotic ......

But. *Sigh* Yeah, I look at him sometimes and think what a good man he is. And then feel shakey to think of one day him not wanting to see me or whatever. I hope that never comes, and hope he's feeling the same as me..... But I'm giving all I can and being me, if that isn't enough...then....I don't need him.

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pet ramps