I wanted to make a quicky entry.

My parents are visiting today - as they drive down to see Grandma in Florida.

She isn't doing to well and doesn't look like she'll be long for this earth the way everyone is talking. It hasn't hit me yet, and I don't even want to think about that because it'll be just a cry fest for myself.

Anyway, I'm still funky about yesterday. I mean I've thought about him constantly since last night. I mean not like crazy or obsessive, but whoa kinda.

Like it's unreal or something.

I just hope I don't screw up or whatever. He emailed me today to see how I liked last night and he said he enjoyed it.... So I emailed back that we'd have to go out again, except not near train tracks (because that was where the fabled almost kiss happend.)

I keep thinking, I hope that he didn't take that the wrong way ... or whatever. I'll talk to him later and feel him out to see. But I didn't want our first kiss to be in a car waiting for a train to pass. I also told him my sister wants to meet him (he knows I talk to her about him....)

Heh. So yeah it hit me today that our first kiss was in the parking lot of where we work that yes, has CAMERAS that I didn't realize until NOW.

I'm sure they weren't watching, but I was like ... whoops.... Oppssss.

OK anyway, *sigh* it's like before I just wanted to have him say he liked me and then want to date me.

Now I'm all about, God I hope I don't lose him and all about, God I hope this doesn't fizzle and all about, man oh man....

But I think we're doing okay and this was only our first date and we do see each other EVERYDAY at work.

I didn't even think it would get this far, so fast. I mean I thought we'd never talk because you can't really at work ... so all of this is really fast from what I was expecting.

So, maybe it'll work out and I just feel like maybe we're meant for each other in some way. I feel like I can maybe help him be happy in some small way and that he can help me with my shyness in some small way. And most of all, be there for each other as I know he must be lonely, and I have been lonely for a "mate" ... you know, a boyfriend. Someone other than family or friends, that type of intimate person. Someone to fill that void where a friend or family member can't really fill. I guess it's a different type of "love" if you want to call it that at this stage, or a type of "liking." Maybe it's because it has to do with sex and intimate things, which aren't in friendships/family-ships.

But it's surrounded by what I call the "thud" moments where your heart seems to start thudding dully in your chest whenever you have one of those moments where you realize he likes you or that you both agree or whatever. Yeah, I had some thuds lately.

I just can't stop thinking about our kiss...phew. My sister called me a whore because I did the first kissy and then was like "another!" lol Now it's like, what's going to happen next time...oh my GOD. Exciting and yet scary cause I'm such a goon. I'm not a good kisser, I want to get it done fast and get it over with, yet when I get home I'm all like...fuck I wish I would've done this or that. I guess I have to get used to that again. There is lots of time and he's patient and ... yeah.

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pet ramps