It's been so windy today, it's amazing. It's crazy and wild and I always say when it's like this, that means change is coming. That "something is blowing into town."

Anyway, well, I called the work guy. He wasn't home (it was 2:30 when I called) ... I left a message of "hi this is Jennifer and I'm calling to say .. hi ... and you can call me back or whatever ... if not I'll see you at work Monday....."

Kinda kooky, but yeah, that is what I said.

It's 8:30 ... and no call. Nothing. Nada. Nothing but a few calls for my sister and me feeling crappier and crappier and it's like why, when, where is he?

So my sister says maybe he's been gone all day, maybe he left your number at work.

I said, well look in a phone book, I said where I lived, it's not that hard.

Somehow, I feel foolish again. Just like the date thing last week when I was like yeah I'd go when he wasn't really asking, just saying I'd like to go out sometime. Not in the now.

So I'm confused and just kinda hurt he hasn't called and feeling just a bit foolish and let down and feeling the past of that last jerk I liked like this and how that was a let down and how I do not want to go through this again.... Scared it will become a pattern.

I'm praying, that I'll be proven wrong tomorrow at least, or Monday with a "I forgot your number" type of conversation and a lot of "I'm sorry's"

But somehow the bad thing in my head tells me that won't happen, because this always seems to happen to me in relationships, this whole "I'm not ready" guy.

But I'm jumping ahead, making to much of nothing again. But still feeling like it's something.

So maybe I should try not to think on it, or ponder what choices I have in this waiting.

Now, I think on Chicago guy and how I should've went with him yesterday and how he really does like me and how he seems to want to be with me, and how, I'm being dumb with him and could ruin it for myself.

Losing two guys at once and not having a spare in the wings to make me feel less lonely, I hate to think of it.

Hard to see my sister progressing in her relationship so rapidly and me, stuck at the door step, ringing the door bell and no one is answering. Thinking someone could be home, or else I'm just a fool waiting for something that could never come....

�

pet ramps