Well. Yeah.

I canceled my date with my Chicago guy tomorrow - he invited me to a party in Chicago and to dinner and I think that was to much.

It is, it was. So I made up an excuse and we're going to go out next weekend.

So coolio. Fine, whatever. He's a sweet guy, last night we had a good chat, but I'm still...like into my work guy.

I'm all lovely dovey thinking about my work guy. Just him.

All him and just being by him, it's just all him. He makes me laugh and smile and feel good.

And I see him all day, and we give each other looks that we know are more than what they mean.

Still I can't seem to bring myself to do the prolonged eye contact thing. It's just to much for me and though we're taking it so slow and I want to go so fast and jump right in, I'm happy we are going indeed slowly.

Because I want this to work and I feel like I have to act other than myself to make it work and so scared to fuck up.

I know he feels the same and sometimes, it's like, damn just ask me out.

BUT HE pissed me OFF. I was talking about a movie I want to see...so he wrote back to me (office email) that he would like to see a movie as possibly a date type of situation.

So I said OKAY WHEN. And he said "No not that movie....one we can agree on."

So in the moment I just looked like an asshole jumping right in, show that I'm soo interested, just moving from "does she like me" to "she does like me."

Yes, I know this made me grin and feel like the king of the world, but to me, I blushed and felt like crying ... I was like rejection ... can't take it. Hate it, I'm the one who beats them to a punch because of these moments of rejection.

So, in my dejected mood, today I refused to make contact with the enemy. Of course, he came by and we talked and stuff. So I went to his desk and it's so funny when someone tries to touch you and make it seem like it was nothing.

So we had hand contact today and I just smiled and blushed and I'm so fucking stupid. I know men love that about me, that coy, innocent thing I have.

But today, he got zinged by that fuck face that sits behind me. Like I knew this would happen, but my guy sat next to me and we chatted a bit and the guy was like "hey ***** when you're done sucking up, come by me I have a question."

I laughed, and was like what a complete asshole, my guy, I didn't see, got up and went over in a bit of a huff......

I wonder if people know and that makes me feel strange, but kinda weriod.

It's great, but I want it to progress, I know it't just a week ... and last Monday I didn't know where we stood, now, we're both interested and it's the game of who calls who first?

God I wish he'd call me first, Saturday, something. Should I make that first move? Be bold enough and actually call him and be ever so foward. Be the one chasing and for once not the one sought.

So odd how Chicago man is so forward, ready to date and talk and all of that, and my work guy is just...I don't know, holding back, but not wanting to, maybe scared.

But when I think of him, I swear I lose my breathe ... so fucking strange. I dare say could be the one, or just a little infatuation?

All I know, is this is like a game and how I play it is so important and I feel like I have to win this time. God, I knew it when I met him.

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pet ramps