Today went by fast. It seems my days go by really fast anymore.

I go into work, get stuff done, at noon I go home, eat and come back with 15 min time spans of rushing.

Go back and do more, get obits and then get rushed and hurried by them.

I leave, feeling like I'm dog tired.

I look at myself and wonder if I've lost weight, and then know I have to get to the gym.

I figure to myself that I'm finally making money and Friday is the pay day.

I get home, figure what's for dinner and then try to practice the violin.

I chat with people, watch TV and then, go to bed.

Everyday is the same for me anymore. I feel kind of like Fight Club-ish because right now I'm ed norton before he and tyler became one.

So today I sat there thinking about how I'm going to go the gym and lose weight and become the pretty girl in the office. That kind of girl. That girl.

I also sat there wondering if I'll ever get a chance to move around in the company.

I sat there and realized I have a crush on the ugly funny guy that comes to talk to me sometimes. I don't think he has any attraction, he could be married. But something about him, just makes me smile.

He makes things seem so uncomplicated and so easy. Like life is just something to entirely enjoy.

I don't know, it's just a crush, but I see maybe that is what I want. I don't care on looks, really.

Well I pissed off new guy. I'm so tired of him and his negativity ... this our exact converstaion.... do you think I was to hard? My friend says I said the right things in the wrong way. But I've said the right things and it doesn't work ...

Jen: how was your day
newguy : ahhhh kinda rotten
Jen: why
newguy : jsut dont have real good days
Jen: you mean at work?
newguy : no all around. life
Jen: oh really
Jen: same story eh
Jen: life sucks
Jen: now what
newguy : i sit here adn watch tv
Jen: yes
newguy : take care of m kid the bst i can
Jen: and you've got no one to blame but yourself for how you're choosing to live your life
Jen: I don't know why you can't be content
Jen: let the chips fall where they may
Jen: fuck it
newguy : i try
Jen: obviously not hard enough
newguy : ok
Jen: because there hasn't been a day where you haven't said something like you always say
newguy : ok
Jen: ok?
newguy : yep. dont know what else to say
Jen: why not?
Jen: If you're unhappy why don't you change
Jen: I just don't understand
newguy : i have to go sorry

I hate when people leave. You know I could never leave a conversation like that.

I guess I am to strong of a person, I'm to fiery Jen to walk out and leave things like that.

I don't know.

What am I doing?

I realize. I just don't care like I used to.

I'm tired of it all.

Yet that part of me wants to stay to finish up the show and see what becomes of it.

See the rest of the fight before you close the curtains.

Back to the drawing board, I'm tired of this so much, that much that I've been hurt by his stupid nature and all the bull shit and feel FOOLISH to have thought that it could've worked out.

Now I know, it wasn't me at all. It was him. All him this time. That is a first. Yes a first.

I feel phazed right now, but good and okay. Empowered to get going on in my life and do good and lose weight and just do whatever.

He's not the last, never the last. But inbetween time is what kills.

�

pet ramps