So the world is alright. I went to my violin class last night, found out my new guy wasn't really ignoring me, ditching me or back with his wife, but in fact sick with the flu and I just paid my GOLD membership in full.

So the world is still spinning and I'm still on it saying, when the hell is it going to slow down?

So I'm addicted to Mott's Pear sauce (like applesauce) ... I can't get enough of the stuff. No wonder I'm "regular" these days.

Just love pears! Yum.

Anyway I start work MONDAY on my OWN. Just moi. Just me and my desk (which I'm gonna clean up!) ... kinda happy about it all.

Oh yeah, my violin class...my teacher is younger than I am. And he was a bit goofy. I'm all like, this sucks man. He's all like do you know what the parts of a violin are? I'm all like, dude I took a YEAR OF CLASSES. "So you can read music?" YES.

So he tells me I'm holding the violin wrong and I'm bowing wrong and standing wrong.

And the thing is. He is 100% right. I was happy with him at the end because he explained why you do this and that. So I have learne to hold and bow all WRONG. So change is very hard when I've been thinking I was doing it right, when in fact I've been so so wrong.

SO I got home and practiced and got PISSED off and frustrated because I can't seem to hold the violin right and my bowing is horrible.

I mean I'm going onto two strings at a time and I've never done that ... and he says my fingers on the bow aren't right, so I'm all fucked up.

It's like. DAMN IT. I don't want to spend all this time on this PIDDLY shit.

I want to learn how to play songs and read more music.

So I told him I knew what the notes meant, but suck at saying their true names. I know on the violin where to play that note, but looking at it, I can't be like "Oh that's a c sharp" ...so I'm majorly studying this because I don't want to fucking go over this shit again!

Been there, done that.

Sooo I'm still out on if I like the guy. Happy he told me that I'm doing EVERYTHING WRONG. Not happy with the lack of structure and any booklets I can have to practice. Come on dude.

He is all of fucking 19 years old?

I met him and he's like ... uhh ... well how old are you? I teach adults.

I was like...27.... and didn't understand why he had to ask me. Did he think I was younger? Or simply wondered how old I was?

I don't like questions that don't have anything to do with the task at hand. What if I was 50 years old? What the fuck would it matter? I don't THINK I look like I'm 18 or something? I mean I know some people say I look really young, but come on, not that young.

But everyone says I look so innocent, like I could break so easily. So everyone tries to take care of me, I mean everyone.

Like at work now, everyone babies me. I must have that "take care of me" look. Even new guy is all about that.

Are you okay, what can I get for you? Jump? How high?

Hmmmmmmmmmm.

Oh well :) I get my own desk MONDAY. My own space and oh my god, so much my own thing.

Then it's the when do I apply for another job in the company without stepping on toes? Cause the job I have now is so very basic, no design at all. And I miss writing. So I want to get into the features dept or into the newsroom again.

Ooh. Haa. I like where I'm at, at the moment.

Okay, I'm supposed to get paid today, and I just looked in my bank account and my check hasn't been deposited yet. So I'm wondering if they'll have my check for me there and next time it'll be deposited? Plus I hope they don't hold my check for like 2 weeks or something STUPID like that. Cause I have to get my license plates, gym membership tomorrow. Plus need to get my hair cut.

Oh me oh my so much to do anymore.

And damn new guy for getting sick, I want to start this thing up and it feels like it's stalling. I dunno. Someone needs to take that step and I know we both like each other and and and I think now we need more physcial interaction (not SEX, not like that) because we are to much TALKY right now. Though seeing him gets me so nervous like I'm going to collapse. I guess that's a good thing for a guy to give me butterflies in my stomach.

I think it's the whole, is this real - type of thing. Then the whole, when is he going to bust a move and how will I react? I haven't kissed a guy in so long, let's just say YEARS and I know it's a natural thing, but it just freaks me out. lol

I don't want him to feel rejected, soooo I dunno. The other night he was so feisty on the net, man alive, I was like...omg! I wanted to say, dude.......

He does make me feel great though, like I'm worth it and not as fat/ugly as I feel. He's just sweet like that. Like when I was like I'm going to the gym blah blah and somehow he said something like guys will look at me.

I was like what?? Ohh. But to me, I'm like guys don't look at me. And of course, he was like he does ... lol ... and then it was like ... uhhhhhh It's odd when someone tells you that they were checking you out and you were oblivious to it all.

I know when we met he was looking into my eyes and I looked down. He says I'm to shy and he's so right. I guess I don't want to get hurt or let myself out there to fast before I KNOW.

Sooo errrr yeah. I don't know.

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pet ramps