Damn. I got called today for a job interview at a huge book seller (for schools, etc.) ... I mean big time. They called me for an interview in Chicago.

I turned it down and kind of felt my stomach turn because ... I don't know why. Just like turning down that other interview in Chicago where if I would've gotten it, I'd be making $45,000 a year.

Yeah. I know. I'm like, how come to other companies I'm worth that much? But to the company I'm with now, I'm only worth $25? Really? I guess I could say fuck ya'll and go to Chicago and make a mint, but then I'd be on a train everyday and battling bums on the street and all of that jazz. The cost of taking the train is like $500 a month or something, or was it $200?

I dunno, I am happy where I am at, but sometimes the grass seems greener on the other side and man my parents would flip if I wanted to suddenly change it all, all over again like this.

But I have learned, to not jump until you have some ground to go to. No more unemployed, shakey ground stuff for me.

Regardless, I am slowly getting back on my feet and understanding my job better.

I overheard my boss talking to my trainer and it's sounding like next week I will be on my own, except for doing the obits part.

This is fine because I know I can do what my trainer does right now. Although the first couple of times, I'm sure I'll need to get used to it all. That's with everything, so I'm slowly fitting and making my way.

I'm happy. Really. Just not with the pay I receive. But ... alas...I have to build my way up. Still making 30, would've been oh, oh, so nice.

Umm... so my trainer is off Tues-Thurs. So I'm taking over with this girl who'll be kinda watching over me just in case.

That's fine, okay, whatever.

Other than this, I did find out about going to the gym, and found out I have my PICK of the area. Cool. I'm going to call tomorrow to the HUGE gym here and see what their rates are - as my company only pays up to $40 bucks. Then I have to show like my id and fucking all the times I go.

Sheesh. So that means I have to go at least twice a week to have it paid in full.

Er. Okay. I can do that. I have violin lessons Thursday. So I think I shall hit the gym ... Monday, Wed? Or something of that manner. Maybe Monday, Tues, Weds I should go. Boom, boom boom.

Maybe I can take a class.

I dunno.

But I will call them tomorrow to see their rates and if they suck, I might try another local gym here. It's all kinda funky. I'm excited about it, but it's another adjustment and getting used to it and all of that shit. So that's always fucked up.

Hate that.

But I need to start doing something. I get absolutely NO exercise now. I need to get on the ball or else I'll end up looking like a ball.

Heheh.

Anyway. Okay, so much to do and it's like yikes. Have to get my plates still, but I'm visiting my parents this weekend, soooooo it won't be this week I guess?

Argh. Maybe ... I should ... like hold off another week and visit them the following weekend??? I don't know. I really want to go up there, but that drive, after working all day, is so hard. Then to come home Sunday and Monday have to begin all over again. Eek.

I dunno. I'll think about it later.

OMG I opened my visa bill today (got it like last week) and nearly fainted at it. Yes. I have spent nearly $1,000 on it.

How did that happen! I've sworn off that fucking EVIL card now. I paid $150 on it from my Indiana bank account. AND am going to toss some more on it when I get paid on Friday.

I have $400 in my Michigan account, so I'll write myself a check and maybe put some of that into my visa? Hell maybe all of it? lol

It gives me a headache.

Anyway ... new guy is weriod and sometimes I just want to say stop talking to me, other times, it's like aww you're so sweet.

I just wish I knew what we were or what he wants or where this is going.

I wish I could have some dude at work become my new interest, or something like that. Something real this time....

I guess this is a big step for me as none of my relationships have lasted this long - especially after meeting. I guess I let myself open up a bit and maybe this was a good thing even if it doesn't work out.

Maybe the tarot will be right somehow and maybe in 3 mths I'll have someone new.

My parents keep telling me to date like it's so easy like buying a gallon of milk at the store. It's not easy at all, it's more like finding a needle in the haystack. Weeding through the pervs, the old men, the geeks and the freaks just to find something the might resemble a needle, but instead finding something entirely different.

Ohh I have a headache ... ouch. I have to stop clenching my teeth (do that when I'm nervous)

Also need to keep up with my trim spa - it really helps me through the day (no I'm not dependant) ... but I don't feel like I'm going to eat the house when I get home from work.

Oh well, must also drink more water and just eat healthier....god I need to get going and get healthy again. This sucks living all out of breath and globby. Hmmph.

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pet ramps