I am moderately perturbed right now ...

A few things happend today to make this occurrance:

A. My contact didn't reply to my IM today. He just ignored it or something. Perhaps he was to busy, but even I have that common courtesy of either IM'ing back or emailing back saying ... sorry I'm, well, busy. But no. Nothing. So I emailed him and have yet to see a reply.

B. This dude I've been talking to - ya like he contacted me through like a personal and like tonight ... he's all like ... how does the dating search go? And we talk and he leaves and is like "happy hunting." And I'm like does he mean that towards my job search or guy search? And hello, I thought we were like...ya know? Um "talking" like pre-relationship-ish - testing the waters - don't want to be JUST FRIENDS? Shits and giggles? He tells me how people have replied to him and I want to say ... dude you're not even that cute and you're ... uh FAT in a freaky old man way. So I'm all like, WTF???! I'm about to turn that fucker loose if he thinks I'm just in this just for shits and giggles. We'll SEE.

AND FINALLY ...

C. My dad can say some pretty stupid shit to me sometimes and it's like you know, you need to work on personal relationship/non-hurting of the feelings thing/don't poke fun at serious shit. See he is like ha ha ha going to work for your sister? Ha ha ha have any new job contacts? Ha ha ha are you exercising? It's like THANKS so much for POINTING OUT THE WEAKNESSES IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW WITH FUCKING LAUGHTER. I did NOT reply to any of those and it's like you know you get all defensive when you say mean shit to me like it's MY FAULT. @)#*$&&$%&@)#)**$*$% ARGHHHhh.

Um ...

I'm sure I have a D. here somewhere and probably things that run to Z. but those were like the biggies today.

I'm all fucked up today because I keep feeling like TOMORROW IS THE DAY. And I'm all like ... need to know, got to know, but kinda scared to know. I think it's always scary/bad news to contact your interviewer for a second time to see why they haven't contacted you.

That is NEVER good. I know it's only...well Tuesday (but it'll be Wed. in like 2 hours) ... but still. I will contact her via email THURSDAY to see what's going on.

I'm all teary eyed thinking about this and this week is nuts already for me because I'm on like a emotional rollercoaster and want so badly to get off.

Like I talked myself in the reasons WHY I will be hired. But this lil' voice in me says no you won't, you'll get that call and then what?

That damn voice. It's like I can be all positive about it, or I can be REALISTIC about it and look at the clues...or, or, or ....

Argh.

Oh well, I went out tonight with my sister and we saw Hero. It was okay, just a kung-fu movie and subtitles. I was kinda peeved about the subtitles cause they just ANNOY me when you're busy reading and just starring at the words and not what is going on...but it wasn't to bad. Not like Water for Chocolate where it's like ... what is going on?

Okay then we went to Long John Silver and I got the 3 chicken and 2 fish, fries, hushpuppies and cole slaw meal. My sister didn't get anything...so I gave her a chicken plank, then I ate one, and then felt strange and gave her the last chicken plank, then I dug into the fish and ate that...and tossed the rest away. I DID eat the hushpuppies though cause those are da bomb!!!

But I guess Trimspa does work because seriously I was NOT hungry. I think my stomach has strunk because I couldn't eat the fries or that other fish plank. So I guess I didn't do that badly today with eating. I did walk today and that was so very very nice. The sun was shining and the sky was so blue and so clear. It was fun. I don't know if I've lost weight ... I mean I feel like I've tightened up a LITTLE. Not like my jeans are hanging on me, but my size 26 jeans are to big again, that I won't wear them, so I'm back as a 24 girl (though I really didn't leave that it). I always get stupid sometimes and buy to big of sizes just for comfort - like huge t-shirts - but they just make you look bigger. I dunno.

I did notice today...my God my skin is getting OLDER. I saw on my sister laugh lines around her eyes and that same ol' old looking skin that I SEE in myself. So I'm all SWEARING OFF THE SUN now. I don't want my skin to look all OLD and unlustrious! I have very fair skin to begin with. So I'm all into SPF foundation now. Man, I never thought this day would begin. I remember being 16 and looking in the mirror and saying "Oh man I'm going to DIE when I get old!" Old to me was in the 30's ... as my birthday will fall again on Friday the 13th when I'm like 34? Or something like that. AWW man I better preserve what I gots now before it's gone!!!!

But I feel like tomorrow I'm going to be a NERVOUS WRECK if someone doesn't tell me what is going on. I guess you can't put your trust in what a tarot reader says or what the magic 8-ball says. How the fuck can you base your life on a piece of plastic in blue water? Or paper cards that mean certain things?

I don't know, I guess we as humans sometimes will grasp anything that might give them an inkling as to what to do. Because sometimes no one understands and sometimes there is no where left to run except blindly and eagerly to places that seemingly have all the answers, but inside, deep inside you know you hold all of these answers if only you look deep within and believe.

But I guess that too is a mystery and something hard to find and the easier road sometimes seems more plausible and other times, like now, is like a gamble.

�

pet ramps