Am I not as fat as I think I am?

I keep getting hit on by like...thin guys. WTF?

I looked at one of my "profiles" and looked at what they saw. I read my answers (yeah I'm a kool vixen) ... and then looked at my pictures.

I plainly say I AM FULL FIGURED. I look at my fraud pics of myself appearing thin, but the one has a full body shot. Like hello. Hi.

Here is that photo:

To me, I look okay ... I mean you can tell I'm not thin, but would you say, hey that girl is a size 20? Would you say she looks NORMAL fat? Cause I look at this picture and say, well I'm fat, but not that fat. I think, am I thinking that I'm BIGGER than I really am?

Cause really, that girl in the picture doesn't look how I think I look.

I somehow think my TRICK Magic pictures might FUCK UP SOMEONE'S IMAGE OF ME.

I had a discussion last night with a guy who said that personality wins out. I said oh ha ha, no it does not. If you're not physically attracted to someone, that means a lot.

Yeah. Really. I talked to a guy once on the net and we had a great time. During the I'll show you my pic if you show me yours ... he was this cute dude and he told me ... "ah to bad you're overweight!"

WTF!?

So I think that shitty "it's all personality!" thing is full of crud.

ANYWAY.

Aren't you just DYING to hear what the tarot lady told me? See I thought I was getting my reading like tomorrow, but yesterday was Thursday and I FOR REAL thought it was WEDNESDAY!

Yikes! I really do need to get a job, that was scary really!

SO YEAH she said yes you'll get the job ....

Here is an excerpt of some of that conversation:

"Okay, the first card I drew for you is the Kokopelli... in native american tradition he is a fertility god, furthermore, he symbolizes the human will and enchanting people with your charm so that you get the outcome you want out of life...with kokopelli, you are being asked on your sacred path to use your charm, your intention and take your talents and let them bloom from your creativity...so far, the reading is leaning in the direction that you will get the job...due to the fact you used charm and quite naturally really..."

She then says it's cuz I'm a GEMINI SNAKE! ;) She says that it should be within 14 days that I will hear about the job.

"I'm seeing a very interesting south card here on the wheel.. in the south direction this represents your body, your energy and your entire spirit connection... it also represents child-like nature and innocence, to the point that believing in yourself is really a good thing you can do right now, have confidence that you WILL get the job, it is yours, visualize it... "

"I think what this card is suggesting, sacred space, south card, 44 is that you should enjoy the time you have off now... you're a very hard worker and will make good money... but try to be good to yourself, buy yourself flowers or something... go shopping and don't worry about money tomorrow."

She goes on to say that someone is trying to push their way into my life and controll me. We realize it's my mom who tries to control a lot ... so she says "sacred space card is about respect... earning the respect of yourself first and then worrying what she thinks of you last. Working on these family type of situations and those you have been around most of your life can really help... especially when you want to walk through these doors and change everything drastically, which I can guarantee you, you're in the middle of a VAST change, a huge one... "

She says that I might have to go interview again if the interviewer can't make up her mind ... she says I will win.

BUT THEN SHE SAYS ... "I have the 29 storyteller card for you though and it seems to suggest she is thinking heavily about opening other positions.. if you're not hired for this one, I have a hunch she may offer you something else that you're not expecting, say if those test results don't turn out so good... it also applies to your entire life however, right now you're moving in every direction.. I have a feeling you are cultivating parts of yourself that you otherwise woudln't be able to do."

She plus another card and ... "the pipe card asks you to be ok with the fact that you may get the job and you may not get the job and if you don't, this is your destiny if you do, this is your destiny."

NOoo!!! But she goes on to say about that f-ing test: " I don't think the lady will consider the test results much, that can always be taken care of with some training, I sense very deeply that she likes you the most so far.. especially if she's just chatting with you. I really don't see that you did so good on the test but with charm, past experience, a college degree, all of it, and a portfolio, she is impressed."

"The interviewer loves your ideas, she has processed them, she thinks about them when thinking about candidates, it may be a hard decision for her if editing wise she has a perfect computer geek with absolute perfection but this nerd is not competitive... There is no personality, nothing congrous to being interesting or able to offer the employer expansion, as far as I can tell you are extremely competitive because of your well-roundedness and what not, furthermore, if you haven't tried yet, I'd recommed an exercise routine, yoga, meditation, church, prayer, something if you get this job.. I sense it is high stress. many deadlines.. and you are going to need to work and forget about the events the day before and move on... you MUST be able to be flexible and let things go.. now I wouldn't have told you all that if I didn't believe the job is yours.. it is yours... "

ABOUT da luv life: "I show one important figure in the next card, an ally and I think it is a love life card, you are going to meet someone, maybe even through connections or events in this new job, that will change your life forever..."

"The earth card, your grounding card, in the direction of the north, is medicine bundle.. the medicine bundle is asking you once again to accumulate your ideas, your talents, everything, your interest in creativity and use it to your advantage... in the process of following your work goals, and maybe even traveling from time to time, you are going to meet a very important person, at first, it will be talking back and forth, then it will seem very familiar within a few mintues... when all is said and done, landing the job, doing the job, working, moving on, you're going to come back to yourself and your daily living and recognize this person has a very important role... Sll I have to say is give him your phone number... trust it when you see him, you'll know."

"You're not really looking very hard for a mate are you? I can tell. (WTF?) Be gentle with this guy... try to smile but move slowly, maybe go out once a month, no often, keep him interested. Just have fun. Try to use a date to relax, not to distract. He may ask you first, say no. Then when you have the time, give him your phone number when YOU feel ready. he'll jump in his shorts..."

She says I'll meet him in PERSON. Not a net thing (GOOD).

Finally the last card: "It is the sweat lodge.. 2 is the number associated with it... and it is purification. It is basically saying in your face: be optimistic, erase old negative attitudes and patterns of thinking.. do something you have always wanted to do and put off... I mean that really. just go for it especially in relation to your mother. I have a feeling she may have taught you how to be uptight... in the sense of worry etc..

I am not sure if you do any rituals.. but I see you doing a ritual or something where you put all your intention all of your focus on yourself and do some things only for yourself.. for some reason I feel that it should be physical, like a new exercise routine, a new job for sure helps in this area it changes everything fast.. and.. even more, maybe a chance to travel somewhere. Because you sense you need this change, it may be part of the reason why you are worrying so much about the outcome for this job, you need a way in which you can explore the new changes that will be taking place to you.

SO THAT WAS FUN.

Will it come through? Come true? I jump whenever the phone rings now. Yah I JUMP. But somehow I can't just be like WOW I GOT THE JOB CUZ THE TAROT TOLD ME SO!

Anyway I'll just keep on living and breathing and just try to be happy today and just be like hooray it's the weekend.

I want to take my walk today but it looks like it could pour. I guess I could go with an umbrella. er.

I'm also talking to a few guys now. WTF, I go through stages where it's guys galore! Like right now, I can't keep them all straight. I figure they won't pan out - really so fuck it. They'll drop like flies sooner or later. Maybe meet one, if I really like em.

I do like ... well these two guys, both from Chicago. Can you believe that? Both funny, good jobs. Oh, who will piss me off first, ignore me first, lose interest first.

I think from that reading I should do more of that I'm not available all the time thing. Cause I'm always available for guys to talk to. Naw. That's a turn off isn't it?

Hm.

I don't know what to think of the reading, it was really good, but maybe she was just saying what I wanted to hear and I wanted to say well what about the part that say if I don't get the job it's my destiny? NO I did not want ANY doubt of that in my reading!

SO like can I sue her if ... er I don't get it and followed her advice on spending money I don't have? lol

Oh well, that's that. Take it at face value. Ya know.

Oh well I'm off to either go for my walk or like shower. I haven't taken my PILL yet either! Shit! lol I wonder if I've lost any weight? You think I would due to walking/exercise and drinking a shit load of water now. HM.

I think I'm going to practice the ol' violin today. I cut my nails really short as you have to be able to play with your finger pressing down, not on the side. Hm.

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pet ramps