Well there has been a death at my house.

Yes...a death.

My lil' fish ... debil ... has died.

His three other tank-mates are still alright, albeit a bit shocked due to swimming with a dead fish.

It was the fucking NASTIEST thing I've had to do in a LONG time.

Yes. My lil' goldfish Debil died on the BOTTOM of his tank.

What was odd, was I was at the computer thinking ... man it'll be werid when one of the fish dies! So I get up and go by the tank (note all of the fish were alive just merely 30 minutes prior) and I'm looking at my fish.

So everyone is by the filter on the bottom and I tap the glass because I see roundy bump Debil and usually Debil would run away...but this time Debil just moves slightly.

SO I tap the glass again and realize in a shock. He is dead and worse he is on the BOTTOM of the tank.

I'm wondering why he isn't a floater.

So I undo the filter system and take it into the kitchen smelling the fishy water and getting grossed out because I don't have a fish net!

So I get a coffee mug and start taking out the water and doing so I take out half of the water and suddenly the body of the fish is whirling around and I get it in the mug and suddenly it falls out and for a second I wonder if he's really dead. He floats motionless and yeah he's dead.

So I get him out in this coffee mug - that now is the FISH MUG, therefore will NEVER BE USED AGAIN.

So I'm walking around the house in my PJ's holding a dead fish in a coffee mug and go outside to plain where to bury him. So I go outside and say....well fuck it ...I'll flush em!

So I put my hand on the screen door to go in and put my hand on a fucking EARWIG.

And jump back, with icky dead fish water sloshing onto me and me screaming "OH FUCKING EW! Oh FUCKING GROSS!!!"

I see my neighbor watching me and it's like I realize how GIRLIE I am right now and realize I'm one of those people.

I go in and flush my fish down the basement toliet and then wonder if I'll ever be able to use that toliet knowing who I flushed down it.

Ah.

SO today was kinda wacky! I did my walk today and got home and did some weight lifting and squats and stuff.

Graded some of my sisters papers and took two of my pills.

Thinking about upgrading to TWO pills for night time because that's when I overeat.

Er. Don't know if I've lost weight yet, but I do feel okay and good anymore. So who knows.

Just wish I could just LOSE weight like instantly, like kaboom! But I know I have to work at it. I'm okay with that and the fact that this is my first week and all.

I also bought a tarot reading off of ebay - I know - I'm am trying to save - but felt the need to.

I guess I'm looking for an ANSWER to this whole job/interview thing. Trying not to think to much on it considering I'm sure my test has been graded and hearing nothing might be a good thing right now.

I guess I want the TAROT to tell me somehow and maybe that it'll be soo good that I'll believe it. Or not.

I know my question will be WILL I GET THIS JOB!???!??!

Then WHAT ABOUT MY LOVE LIFE? Because right now it seems I have guys at the door and everywhere. Everyday I get the "you're so cute!!" shit...come on. None of em' pans out. Damn.

But I don't care about that right now, I just keep wanting to know if I got that job...it's just so annoying.

I know she said that this week she had some more interviews and I hope that I'm in the lead somehow.

Argh! That's why I want the Tarot to easeeee my mind. I know it won't, but still what the hell right?

I just don't know how I'll deal with the whole "sorry but no" thing if that should occur. It's just hard to imagine right now because I really felt like I did good.

Sucks that my connection is OFF this week! Damn it! I wish he was there. But I will settle for Monday, and IM him Tuesday to see what dirt he dug up. I actually won't MIND if I don't hear from my interviewer this week - at least then I can get the low down from a unbiased source who won't BS me.

For now, I just feel .... happy but then somehow blah when I think about the whole job thing! I just wish it would come to an end with a job offer at this paper where I've wanted to work for so so long. I left there to get experience and now I'm back and I just wish they'd see that.

I dreamed that I was there working and saw the woman I'm replacing and was like ...why is she still here? I knew in my dream she was there to finish up until she could be replaced. It was very odd especially since she was fired.

Maybe that means I'll get the job, but people will think I'm not up to snuff for it? I don't know.

I keep praying to GOD for a sign that I got the job or what to do next or whatever and so far...nothing. Just a bunch of ... what ifs and over-analyzing conversations.

I guess not thinking about it is my best bet right now. But it's hard not to when you have to wonder what you're going to do next if you don't get it. I am happy I sent in that resume so maybe I'll get interviewed for that one?

That's be cool (I mean if I don't get the job I'm going for now.) Maybe I'm counting my eggs before they hatch type of thing, whatever that means.

Oh well...ugk I feel overly full right now. I had a few bites of chicken and stuffing and then a bowl of corn and brown rice mixed together that sent me into barf full. But I eased that into a bowl of cookies n' cream ice cream.

So the bad things I had today were animal cookies and a candy bar and then some ice cream.

Damn!

Oh well it's raining like mad outside! And lightening and thunder!

I have a feeling something it going to happen tomorrow. I feel it in my stomach and chest. Oh man ... eek. Feels like job news, job blues type of panic feeling...hope it's just the corn and rice acting up ....

Man alive, God pleaseee let me have passed that editing test!!!!

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pet ramps