Yikes, what a rainy, icky day.

Well, it wasn't to bad. It poured this morning, then just now poured all over again.

I got my walk in today, mailed out my BUNK Sex in the City DVD from Ebay (bootleg). Got lunch at McDonald's (addicted to Chicken Strips) ... also canceled some life insurance I've had since 1998 - it takes $3.00 out of my bank account ever...three months or something.

Yeah. Don't need that. Ya if I die, then what do I care? ;)

Anyway.

Also found my FUCKING DIARY IS ON A PORN SITE.

Yes. An entry, very OLD entry is on a PORN SITE.

I did not know I wrote sooo risque? It was so long ago, like pre-Michigan. Like COLLEGE DAYS Jen!

It was when I was talking to some BI guy and then I got hit on by ANOTHER bi dude. So I wrote on that (nothing dirty) and wrote on my virginity - again nothing dirty.

But alas, I found the site and felt kinda sick and know why my diary had a jump in readership suddenly back then.

It makes me kinda laugh, me, Miss innocent, non-dirty gurl on a porno site.

What the F?

Anyway, I laughed it off, fuck it. I'm sure some horney guy will be sooo surprised when he reads up on my joblessness, trying to lose weight ... and all of that jazz. Oooh doesn't that just OOZE sexy? Does Yentl22 put the X in sexy? Er ... no.

Anyway - note to self - never buy Yoplait "Whips" yogurt. It's like fluffy yogurt in a gross way. Ew.

Yuck.

Sooo I'm on day ... what...three? ON Trimspa. I really kinda like them. It makes you DRINK water. Because if I don't I get the shakes and feel shitty. I also see the side-effects.

Some people get mood-changes. And today I noticed myself in a major mood-change as I was driving and the guy in front of me was going to slow, so I sped up and blew past him in a huff and was like "WHAT THE @#_$*%&@)$*#$)@#)" ... whoa.

Then I got VERY irrate today cause the computer wasn't working right and I was shaking in anger! Geez, I'm not like that.

But still, I do have a lot more energy and with all my temper flare-ups, I'm mostly kind of my ol' nutty self.

Really.

Kind of at a high point, and not really trying to think of my job stuff. I talked to my connection and he isn't working this week ... so next week he said he'd ask my interviewer. Plus my interviewer said yesterday that they STILL haven't gotten around to grading my test! Fuckers!

Plus she had a "few more" interviews. Which I took at "few" as in two more.

So there. That is that. I hope I did well because truthfully I thought I did alright nix two spelling errors I realize now and a botched history section (not entirely, but I know I didn't do great on that.)

On editing I thought I did pretty good on and editing a story, I also thought I did well on. Maybe I'll be in the head of the class on this one due to my studying and also due to me working for a paper for two years verses someone who might've just come off the street. Ya know?

But who knows. I got the "blessing" to also send in another resume for a another job they have offered there. I figured, I'd better start up now just in case...my mom didn't think I should've sent it in until I heard for certain I didn't get the job. But shit, my connection says, it's not anything they haven't seen and better to get your name in the pot while it's still hot.

So fa la la la. I am waiting still and told my ma I am TIRED of waiting. And she said "me too." So I got mad because I said "WELL YOU'RE NOT GOING THROUGH IT." and she said YES I AM, we all are.

She didn't connect that actually being the person going through it, is different than being an outsider watching you go through it. I wanted to say, well you don't have to worry about where your money is coming from and about dwindling bank accounts and moving back home or getting a job back in Michigan, even if they would hire you back. Yes, you don't really know this uncertainity now do you?

No. You don't. No one does, so don't act like you do because you know what? YOU JUST CAN'T RELATEEEEE!!!!

Anyway, I talked to my friend again in Chicago. He makes me laugh and though I know it won't last like all the others, it's still nice to talk to someone and stuff.

It's odd cause my photo ... the one on my website ...

http://members.aol.com/yentl22/index.htm

It makes me look thin. So I think people are getting the wrong idea. Plus my violin holding picture, makes me look like I'd be a size 18, whereas I'm a 24.

Ya there is a difference there.

And when some cute guy talks to me on IM and says I'm a pretty girl. I'm a "sexy tiger" I want to say. Hey do you know I'm fat? Hey buddy look past that fake ass optical illusion photo I took of myself.

So that is part of why I want to lose weight so so badly. I just feel like I should FIT the thought of my photos. I mean fuck, give me a size 20, I'd take a loose size 22 right now.

So that's why I'm really trying and also trying to exercise a lot more. I really do look forward to my walks now, even though I've only done them twice now.

Still. Still still, right?

I figure if I get my mind off of this whole no job thing, that perhaps the job fairy will grant me a job.

Somehow, deep inside, I feel like I got a job. I don't want to jinx myself, but still ... I don't know. My confidence is shot to shit anymore and it's easier to try to be positive and pray to God a million times a day in the hopes of him just granting me that prayer as if to say "shut the f-up about it already! Jesus!" Heheh.

Little joke there God .. ha ha .. hey boss can ya give me that job I applied for last week?

Anyway ... I wonder if that little interview spell worked. I guess I'll SEE if I get the job ... lol Won't that be something?

I think I'm going to go take my TrimSpa (taking two for dinner) ... and going to watch tv. I feel myself getting kinda sour right now. I don't want to be one of those ... "she puts the FU in fun," type of joy crusher.

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pet ramps