OMG I just deleted my entire diary somehow. Fuck I hate when that happens!

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Okay quicky run-down:

My sister is in Ireland for 10 days.

I'm all alone, kinda creeped out like someone has been watching and ready now to murder me for some silly reason like in the movies.

Last night, my first night alone, I was feeling scared a little, but at the same time independant and as I felt better the phone rang at 10:30/11 pm and I instantly thought of the movie Scream.

It wasn't Pookie nor my parents. It was the new guy.

Yeah the guy who I said in my last entry was to fat and was one of those people who have to tell others they are intelligent and cling to that because they probably feel inadequet in other fields of their life.

Yeah that dude called. I shall call him the new guy because Mr.Boy/committmentophobic is taken. And yeah Mr. Boy/"I don't play mind games" yet I do - it over with.

I feel better about it because he was kind of bruising my ego with making fun of me being jobless and living with my sister. Our conversations were just play, poking fun and never ever serious.

So this new guy calls.

I figure what the hell, and we talk and talk and talk. He is a storyteller and interesting. He keeps the conversation going and going. We talk until 1:45 AM. I feel odd with him, waiting for the shoe to drop. He's my age - 27 and will be 28 in August.

I keep telling myself, this man is really interesting and we actually talk.

Not the shit with Mr.Boy/asshole, this is different. I feel like this man is quality and a bit of quantity as well. He's earthy, funny, interesting. He makes you want to be his friend, a likeable man.

But who knows, he was cute when he told me about this book he was writing and he's like "I should'nt be talking about this in our first conversation."

Hmm traditional ... is there some code of conversations?

We haven't had the "past relationships" talk yet. To me, that stuff is interesting and I like to talk about it, and others always seem to shy away from it like it's talking about dead babies. So I'll see how that goes.

Plus I always feel odd and know one day I'll have to drop the "I'm a virgin" bomb.

The "I'm really innocent" type of comment which flirts with the fact. Pookie says that men are attracted to my innocent and it shines really bright about me not really experiencing life as I should at my age.

I suppose I'm waiting for the donor to hook me up to this type of experience as my sister did with her boyfriend.

I suppose it'll happen soon enough and sometimes I feel like I don't need that in my life right now, yet other times I feel like I want to begin living.

I think I'd feel better if I was employed, because w/o working I just feel empty and have a bruised ego almost.

So I think the Mr. Boy non-relationship thank God kind of messed me up with that type of poking fun at.

Something my new guy wouldn't do. New guy seems like a very loving type of person and not trying to hurt feelings one bit.

That's how it should be. I don't mind some jokes, but I see now the other guy went over board and that would've been a toxic type of relationship.

So I see God taught me a lesson in that field. Thanks God!

Now if only God could ahem help me get a job because I under the lesson of sacrafice and lowing my standards and seeing how hard it is to get a job, and that sometimes you have to DO just to make money.

Yes, I understand this.

So God, tell me please, when I will be employed again so I can feel complete?

I also see there is a lot more than working...but also see there is so much less to not working. Does that make sense?

Oh well I'm going to Michigan tomorrow with my Pooks. He's starting out driving and we're switching halfway through. I hope he acts accordingly because my parents are strange now and get crazy about stupid things anymore.

Plus I'm applying for a job in Traverse City Michigan. I told my new guy about this and said I hope I don't get the job because I don't want to move back there. If I should ... then ... I'm moving out, I need to be on my own now. Or else I'll have no personal life whatsoever.

Seriously.

I need to start something, some type of relationship ... I think I need it right now. Need to start working on the things I need out of life - no just employment, but marriage and dare I say kids?

It once was a scary thought to think of those things and I would say I still have time, but right now, I feel it is the time to start thinking about it. Maybe I'll get a good job and the new guy will work out and then life will be sweet and storybookish.

Somehow, with my luck anymore ....

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pet ramps