I'm getting that fleeing feeling again.

I guess maybe it's one of those "let's run away from all these bad things" type of feelings.

My sister inherited this as well as she wants to dump her boyfriend of 3 yrs dude to his weight gain, bad attitude, among other things.

Let's go. Let's run.

It's so tempting. So tempting to try to get jobs far away again. Just fucking get out of here.

I've been wanting to come back here, to my home and now that I'm here...I want to say WHY?

I don't have a job. I have nothing. I do nothing all the time. Nothing. To much time a wasting.

I feel like I'll never get a job again. That's how it feels.

I know there are others far worse than me, but ... still it doesn't make the situation any better.

I stopped talking to Mr. Boy. I can't take the constant poking fun of me being unemployed.

Constantly saying that I'm lazy that I don't want to be employed.

He was slowly poisoning my thoughts and I knew it was time to cut the line when I started feeling really bad about myself.

Like really bad. And even if he was joking. It wasn't funny.

So now what.

I can say I applied for x number of jobs today and it means very little anymore. No one calls for an interview and I feel like I fucked up my life royale, supremely. I could go back to Michigan - I could try there for jobs.

But I do not want to live with my parents. I know it's a death sentence of my so-called personal life. So no, I'll fester here in Indiana feeling suicidal because I can't work and stand on my own two feet again.

I'm not asking for pity, and I'm not asking for pep talks.

I'm not asking for anything except what the fuck am I going to do?

Fucking tarot lady, fucking cards, fucking decisions and life.

Oh ... and the topper of the day: -- See I call my mom "hoe" as a nickname - it's funny and she calls me that too. We've always done it.

So Pookie decides to call my ma "hoe" in a AOL IM and she flips out (tells my sister that she can't believe it.) She should've told me and also WHO FUCKING CARES.

Jesus CHRIST I wish my only problem in life is my daughters friend calling me HOE.

Oh lord just bury yourself already about something so stupid.

I told pookie to not call her that and not to apologize because I was told this info second handedly.

So I don't know.

Definately don't need this in my life right now.

Anyway, I exercised today and man I am out of shape! lol Yikes. It was eye opening. I also mowed the lawn, went shopping and made myself and my sister a healthy lunch.

Today I realized that even if you're eating healthy foods you have to watch your calorie consumption.

Ya.

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pet ramps