I've decided to regain my life.

I know that's kind of LifeTime-ish Tv for Women sounding, but I was figuring out this week that I feel like I'm just letting myself go by being kind of self-destructive to myself.

I've been over-eating, not exercising, and just in the dumps.

So what's the point of that kind of life for me right now?

I recommended myself to be more positive and more confident in myself. It's a hard feat when most of the time I'm the opposite of all those things.

So for the past few days I've been trying to put together some plan of action.

Yesterday I sent out two resumes - very promising in my eyes as they both are in my field. I have another one to put together and send out. When I apply for paginating/news design jobs, I get giddy because that's what I love. So now is the good time - when you send out your resumes and have that pure hope.

I know I won't hear from one of them, perhaps all of them. But I have a new plan of action - the email inquiring if they received my email. Plus I was reading on a message board how people "cheat" resume systems like Monster - they update their resumes each day so they are on the top of the list for employers.

Hm, interesting. So I've updated mine today. And just kind of felt good about that for some reason.

I know I won't find a job straight away, I read also that jobs take weeks to months to get back to potential workers. I really hate that, but I guess it's something to think on.

I just wish people (parents) would get off my back about it. Like getting employment is like going to the store for a gallon of milk.

But I'll survive and find something. I keep trying not to think about it, yet I do. I do daily job searches, and feel like something will turn up. It has to.

The other part of me wants to concentrate on weight loss. I think I've gained like 10 lbs since I've been home. No joke.

Seditary and eating anything I desire. Yeah those are the ingredients for fat. I know it's a bit of emotional eating - feeling like a loser type of thing, so eat to make myself feel better, but then get depressed that I'm gaining. A catch-22 type of existence.

So I'm still WAITING for my Slim in 6 diet program/exercise thing. HELLO. They said to expect it within 5 biz days. Argh. I just want to exercise and lose weight, is that so hard to ask? It's why I ordered it 2 weeks ago.

So that is my exercise plan, my eating plan is low fat.

I'll keep a diary or journal on it somewhere. They have a site for that. But right now I'm taking vitamins - with weight loss stuff in it. Has green tea and chrominum in it. They really do work to suppress my appetite.

I'm also trying to drink more water (keeping a bottle in the fridge) and limiting to myself to a can of pop a day. Plus I'm trying to get rid of all the junk food in the house. I also cook a lot more now, I dont' have the funds to spend on fast food, and fast food doesn't even taste good when it comes down to it.

I also want to realize and enjoy the food I eat. How many times have you eaten something so fast, you didn't even taste it? Enjoy it?

So it's an overhaul of sorts for it. I told myself if I don't like myself, how I'm living, then it's time for change. Get busy living or get busy dying.

So I'm getting busy living and finding how I want to live and be. Fuck this bullshit, wah me. No more.

I just want to lose weight because I know how great I feel when I am losing and that powerful, energy feel.

OOoh I can't wait for that feeling to return.

Anyway I better go get lunch started - my vitamins make me feel dizzy/nauseous (all vitamins make me that).

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pet ramps