Today was one of those days where everything you do goes wrong, you drop things and break things. You trip up the stairs and then fall down them all over again.

Today I thought I would make a Wolf Gang Puke recipe for garlic bread. It didn't turn out and my hard work of cutting up 10 cloves of garlic (Ugh!) and chopping up other herbs and shit ... going to the store and spending money to buy two bagettes and ingredients....

Well it all went in the trash literally.

Ack. So I made crock pot lasagna, which burned.

So I said there shaking my head, with a headache to match, staring at my finger which I cut while cutting up the garlic and just thought ... "what's wrong with me?"

My sister called my mom today who eagerly asked who called me for an interview...my sister said "no one." Mom said ... oh why are you calling?

Then yesterday my mom said I need to go to my college and quote "find a man".

Yes. She went there.

My sister came to my rescue and berated her for adding that kind of pressure to my already ... I-can't-find-a-job type of pressure.

Yeah I'm feeling like a major goon loser.

I don't need the added toppings on my already melting ice cream life.

Anyway.

I'm just pretty pissed with how everyone is treating me lately. Like friends, the like. I'm to the point I'm going to apply for a job in off lands like California or Wyoming because everyone here is being a fuck.

I'm really tired of doing this summer school aid gig. Thank God it ends this week! Yes!

I'm also sending out two resumes tomorrow. Figure I can't sit on my ass starring at the phone for it to ring. Kind of like waiting to win the lottery and not buying tickets.

But jobs have been low this week. Not like one of those weeks were I'm applying to about 10 jobs. I have tappered off in applying I admit. But I did send some in by email. It seems like I email them ... and it's like I'm emailing them to some electronic email dump site.

But I know one will bite. I'm hoping it's the college one, but alas, I've heard absolutely nothing. Nada. I want so bad to call up and ask. But I already emailed and they said some shit about...er...final interviews and garbage like that.

So I might put a friend up to it like Pookie or my sister to email and inquire about it.

But I already feel like I'm still falling down the deep, dark pit of job-dom.

I asked my sister the other day: Is it harder to find a good man or find a good job?

I kept trying to count out the things of both objects. I figured right now I'm conducting a project on the subject as I'm seeking both items.

And that makes me feel like such a loser, like some after school geek special about some life-seeking fat girl who's trying to find her way.

But I guess right now I'm nearly comfortable for some reason, but then I feel this yucky feeling in my stomach that says you really need to look and find something. Then thoughts of working at Lane Bryant or at Bath and Body dances in my head and I cringe. I was so darn happy before that I wouldn't have to work in shit jobs like that again, ever in my life.

Now.

Look at me. I'm trying to keep myself from falling into a depression, but lately I've been feeling more bummed than usual. I guess I thought getting a job would be easier than this, or something of that matter. But nowadays, nearly anything makes me feel like shit.

A lot of the time, I feel like crap, maybe it's that loser-ish part that gets stuck in the head and pushes back the hope and all of that jazz.

Plus my parents, who think that by asking me a million times and poking fun at me about me being jobless and dateless will help somehow.

I don't know how that is helping, but for once in my life, I just don't want to talk to my parents. I don't need to be reminded of my problems in a joke or question that they know the answers to.

I really hate to be a downer and I'm 100% my diary is just a shit kill joy to read.

But I guess you write those types of feelings in here.

When I'm happy again, I'll let you know. I swear it.

�

pet ramps