Happy Birthday to me.

I'm wishing I was 23

Or perhaps a nice young number like 11

But unfornately I'm 27.

Er that's my poem for today I guess. Well I'm a complete dope as well because I fell on my arse. I tripped on rocks by our house and fell into a heep on the ground.

More like skidded like road kill hit by a SUV.

My palms are stigmata-fied (Sorry Jesus) and both my knees look like someone began to pant them speckled blue, purple and black.

Yes I fell, no one saw me ... and it kind of woke me up. I was feeling funky and then boom fell down like someone had shot me, no one saw, no one heard me.

I sat on my ass with my knees pulled up, thinking my knee cap would be broken, I sat there and looked at the door waiting for someone to rescue me, waiting for someone to help pick me up.

But no one came, not even the dog. So I sat there wondering why a car that went by and saw me fall didn't even stop.

And I felt so.

Alone.

So I said there and said "Isn't this a mother fucker?" I groaned and got up and looked at my blook streaked hands, my bloodied knees and really didn't feel the pain that you usually get with that type of fall.

But I guess that is life in a way. Or maybe it was God showing me something (forgive me) like that sometimes you just have to pick yourself up even after some horrible pain and learn to deal with it yourself.

I wanted to say, God I think maybe there could've been a less bruise-y type of way to show me that. But okay I get it, gottcha.

So today is, was, my birthday. I'm 27 now and just a few years closer to the big 30.

Argh, now scary, I feel my 20's are being wasted somehow like I'm losing them at the card table, pulling them out like dandelion petals.

Oh well.

I'm just happy to be home again. Don't know why, but Indiana is home now. I felt weriod leaving with my sister today, like it was wrong. But I feel a type of resentment for my parents right now.

I think, well, I just feel so unsupported anymore. I know I say this a lot and I don't expect people to drop their lives to listen to me bitch.

But my parents enjoy ignoring you when they are in denial or something like that. They ignore my sister when she talks about her boyfriend whom they do not like.

Like she's not even talking. And they sit there like queens and kings like it doesn't matter.

To me. a communications person.

It drives me nuts. And I hate it.

My ma did that to me last week. She ignored me. I said "God I hope I find something soon." I asked some feeble question and she ignored me. It was so apprent, it was disgusting.

I hated it and it hurt.

I don't know. Maybe my period is coming because right now I'm feeling like I'm tired of everyone. I'm so fucking TIRED of being HOT ALL THE MOTHER FUCKING TIME too.

Yes, my sister doesn't turn on the A/C here. It's 80 in the house and upstairs in my bedroom, it's about 85 degrees. So I sit here HOT, sweaty and then go to bed HOT.

Wake up HOT.

Take a bath, come out feeling HOT still. It's like I wish I had a job just to pay for the a/c bill. Shit it's on me!

BUT ... alas. No 2nd interview call yet. I'm going to call Tuesday to see, get some type of answer.

Also I was called today by a company in Illinois for a phone interview for a marketing coordinator job ... this job...pays so much. It's $40,000 to 55,000!

It makes me want to scream, but I know I won't get it as I barely have any type of marketing experience. It says it needs a years experience...and I say what the fuck, why are you paying the person so much money with only that little amount of experience? Seriously.

But hell I'll try for it. If I were to make that amount of money, I think I would just scream. I'll take 40. I'll take 45, I'll say, "well 55 does sound do-able...*ahem*"

Yikes.

But seriously, I'd rather have the college job.

But seriously, what is going on that they haven't called? Are they waiting for Monday? Did I not make it, or are they still planning?

Wish I knew, feels like a bad relationship.

Speaking of which, one of the men replied and emailed me again. Hum.

Kinda ... er ... okay.

I dunno, but also am going to apply to another design job here locally. Lovely, I say, just fucking lovely, I hope I at least get a interview I tell you.

�

pet ramps