Well I did it.

I quit today.

I am unemployed right now.

I have no job.

I feel so ... shitty. Feel so free-loady-ish. It's not a good feeling, let me tell you.

So I called and left it on a answering machine - as this paper instructed me to do (well it was for renewing my ticket to go back...so I assume it's the same thing.)

So now I want to break out the Tarot cards, want to go see a psyhic and ask them to please tell me if I'll get the job that I interviewed for on Tuesday.

At least the second interview. Something, God please don't leave me hanging like this.

So I feel like crying. I told my mom and she's acting all fucked up. Like dissapointed like. I really don't need that right NOW.

So tonight I think perhaps I'll sob into my pillow thinking and despairing once again about my life and career. Hoping that time will hurry up and toss me something to hold on to.

That my old college will say "we do want that girl!"

I know my interviewer liked me...so I feel certain that I'll be called....

Though no one really knows ... and it's this that scares me. Makes me a nervous wreck. Makes me feel so bad about myself that I feel so unemployable that I should just go to fucking Walmart, and even then, feel unworkable to be a fucking stocker.

*Sob*

.... Okay I will TRY not to think of this right now because I'm trying to remain sane and positive - which is very hard to do anymore.

I finally joined the yahhooo personals site - I know ... groan ... - and emailed three dudes. I'm assuming 2 will be duds ... or even all three of em...but hell it's a try isn't it?

The one looks like a sweet guy - albeit he has a KID. *shock* ... Still ... the others are kid-free.

I dunno. I guess while my life is in pretty much shambles right now, might as well add a guy into the mix. Maybe he can help me out somehow, most of the guys I know always want to help and fix me ....

Er anyway, I feel literally ill right now as I am doubled up over quitting, being like this as I have always worked. I just feel really scared. Like I'm in a dark room and feeling the walls for the light switch and hearing something moving in the room with me.

Have I made a good choice? I do feel GOOD about not going back. Going back to the bad lifestyle and such.

Oh okay something WILL turn up. Even if it's below my pay range and education range. Which leaves a bitter taste in my mouth just by saying that.

Regardless I've no one to blame but me and I will sort it all out and find my way somehow. I believe in myself to do this somehow.

It's just this waiting and waiting, it's so hard .... Like I know I should be able to WALK into this job. At the same time ... there are so many factors.

OKAYYyyy

This Sunday is my BIRTHDAY. I'll be *gulp* 27!!!

Oh my. I sincerely do not really want any presents or anything this year. I just don't care and feel a bit down and kind of LEAVE me alone. Just for a while, I need people to just let me think.

It's so hard sometimes, life. Just when I felt like I was on my way to better things, I am side-tracked. It's just moving through this storm that you feel and wish for the sun to shine on you again. Then you say to yourself that you'll never drive into that storm of uncertainity again.

I just wish my exercise tapes would arrive, that would be something to get my mind off of things.

I realized today, that all I have in my bank is all the money to live on until I get another job.

It's so scary.

�

pet ramps