It's been raining and gray here since I left Florida.

Not that I miss Florida, but I do miss the weather.

I come from 90 degree weather, sunny days ... to suddenly 40-50 degree, gray, rainy-stormy weather.

Oh God. I miss the sun, I miss walking around the yard pulling the occassional weed and looking up at the sky to think some passing thought about life or my career or about love.

But no, I'm inside with my parents, watching TV, surfing the net...applying to jobs and worst of all thinking.

I keep thinking about when I'll get a job interview or what step to do next.

Anyway, today I woke up later than normal - I was awakened by my door opening and then hearing my dog. I peered over the side of my bed and found my dog curled up next to my bed.

He loves to come in my room and "guard" me ... see he flips OUT whenever someone walks by or in my room while I'm in there.

I don't know why he does that, my first dog did that too. Maybe he thinks I'm injured because I'm laying down? But he grabs his toy and shakes the shit out of it and barks with his toy in his mouth.

So you hear muffed barks and he's running back and forth. He's nuts, but it's kind of cute in a protectish kind of way.

SO ANYWAY, my parents and I went up to Traverse City to see Shrek 2 and shop a bit.

The movie was okay, my parents loved it, but to me it didn't do anything for me. But I didn't really like Shrek 1 all that much.

We went shopping and I swore not to buy clothing or shoes, etc. See I say bitterly Why should I buy clothes? Cause I don't have a job to go to! This is followed by my Ma telling me to shut up or that I'll get a job soon.

But I say phish-shaw I don't have anything right now and I go on with my bitter, sarcastic monologue of my blah blah blah bad job luck.

This goes into another conversationa about how lucky I am.

And I think.

Am I as lucky as my parents think I am? Then I think, ok maybe I WILL get something.

But I pushed the thought out of my mind and enjoyed shopping - 3 shirts and one pair of shoes later - I wondered why the fuck I always seem to find clothing to buy.

Sooooo I got home and got in bed and took a nap. I woke up to watch Colonial House on PBS (LOVE that show) and then the phone rang.

No, no - not a job interview bid. It was my old violin teacher.

She said: Jennifer! I just sat down at the table and for some reason your name popped in my head and I said to myself I should call you right now!

So we chatted and she was kind and said I could come take lessons again if I wanted (I might go back) ... she said she'd put me on top of her prayer list.

Somehow the "on top of prayer list" made me feel good. I know I'm not religious, but having a devot person do that, someone who I think God actually listens to ... well it just feels good somehow. Like she's in like Flynn with God.

I think I might go and visit and have her put the "tape" on my violin. Yes, they are now putting the tape on the violin where your fingers should go.

See when I started with them, they were anti-tape, and this was always so fucking hard because you had to think where your fingers go and most of the time was having people get in tune.

This is a very very hard way to learn, so she said they just decided to do this.

So I'm figuring that maybe I'll go and chat and have her put the tape on and maybe give me a mini refresher course?

She's nice enough and I'm sure she'd do that, I would pay her too. I just feel like my violin ... that concentration, would be good for me somehow. Like to take my mind off of things. Plus the sound of the violin in my ear and to feel and see that I can carry a tune still...it's just something positive. I love my violin, the music, the sounds.... It reminds me of my grandparents, of the old times, of grandpa of ....

JOB NEWS

Well, I thought perhaps I should have an ongoing part of my diary about my job shit.

I've applied to all the jobs I wanted to - so far. I'm sending off one tomorrow and then I'll be all caught up on the job resume, crap.

But the news is that I talked to my connection at the paper I want to get into.

Ya that paper where I didn't get that job before. Now I'm vying for two jobs there.

So I told my connection about how I applied for the news designer position and how I hoped the interviewer would CALL ME. He said "I'm sure she will. I've only heard positive things about you at eastlake and westlake."

I'm trying to get into westlake-the BIG company - while eastlake is the extension.

See I have connections in eastlake, but in westlake - is difficult for me. So this was good news to be talked positive about.

Just to be TALKED ABOUT is something great.

But still, my connection says it's hard to get in because they usually just hire folks who went to Northwestern Univ. like that place is just a fucking paper mill putting out perfect workers.

So I'm hoping my glowing I work for the Rat's Cruise Line! section of my resume will somehow help me.

But you never know, who knows. Ma said that maybe the other job didn't pan out because I'm meant to get this job.

But who knows.

I just hope my violin teacher aka God's operator - somehow puts in a good word for me.

It's just amazing how kind some people are and how they make you feel hopeful and make you feel somewhat normal. I just wish I could be more like them with all the right things and feelings they have to say. So wonderful, thank you God for making people like them.

Anymore, I just feel scattered brained and like I no longer have the capabilites to do the right things ... and I'm just not there.

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pet ramps