I didn't get the job.

No, don't send any I'm sorry, you'll get something soon or keep your head up emails because I'm tired of those words.

I appreciate it really. But right now I don't know how I feel. Yes disappointed, but no, not surprised. I knew it, I could feel it when I spoke to her and my other friend there.

Some gals just know things.

So now I don't feel that upset about losing the job, just more upset about where I will go from here.

Last night I kept thinking of those who come back here, I could see myself pulling my suitcase over the raised door and hearing it scratch the walls as my suitcase barely fits in my cabin.

I think an ounce of hope left me last week when I was told they wanted someone else, the kicker was, the email the lady sent to me. Saying she felt "safe" because this woman worked 20 yrs at this other paper and didn't need "training."

I thought ... am I an unsafe hire? How does she know the training I'd require?

I felt a bit angry and hurt that she assumed that, and maybe it's for the better that I didn't get this job. This woman still things of me as the fresh out of college kid that worked there. Does she not see that I now have 2 and a half years of experience?

Yet, I feel that within two months I'll be back, I figure on how it took me 2 years just to find another job. How long will it be now?

It's really shitty to have to do this, as I planned on moving back home and my life was about to be set and made up. Now I see that if I do get another job - I'll have to move out as I only look in Illinois now - far away there.

So I'm wondering if I'm just spinning out of control or just a bit saddened by all those dreams I created that will never be anything more than just dreams.

I just don't know what to think and am oddly embarassed to tell people that I didn't get this job when I was so sure I would.

Can't wait to tell my parents who'll say there are others and no to worry but they aren't the ones who'll have to come back here are they?

So I don't know what to think and maybe tonight I'll sort out something to give me a little hope once more.

All I know is I feel a dull ache in my chest right now and feel almost like crying because of my uncertain future once again.

6 days left.

�

pet ramps