Can I just say ugggg I mean totally. Uggg squared.

I still have not heard if I got that job I applied for. I've been trying not to think on it, trying not to let my parents talk me into feeling like I got the job.

I've just put it out of my mind. This was until yesterday while I was taking a shower and thinking intently about how it sucked having my period and sucked having to be here two more weeks and training my shitty replacement.

It suddenly occured to me out of the blue, that I probably didn't get the job. I considered it had been two weeks and they haven't said a thing to me, nothing, kaput.

So today, just now, as I am typing this my connection IM's and says HI and I say I haven't heard anything and he says WOW. And says the woman who interviewed me, said she liked this other woman she used to work with.

Fuck. Fuck.

That's not good news and now I feel seriously ill. I feel bodily ill, like I could cry and throw up. My head is pounding, my ears are closing up. I can't bear to think of coming back here again.

I'll try to chill as I have been, but it's hard to think about your future when you've been basing it on something, one thing, and the one thing doesn't seem to be doing anything or giving you negative vibes.

I guess I will have to job search like a mad woman and talk to my old boss and campaign like I'm running for President. And knowing me, nothing will turn up.

But like I said I guess I'll just wait some more and start looking once more at job sites even though I know I've no luck as I've already sent out numerous resumes and heard nothing.

My contact says he heard the lady she she liked the other one about 2 to 3 weeks ago - and then something happend. Something with the background checks, or something as such. He said I'm still in the running for it, but I feel, as if perhaps if she says she likes this lady, that maybe I'm coming in as second in this rat race.

At the same time, I feel like not knowing gives me some hope, though it may be false. Kind of like well maybe I do have a chance ... maybe I will get it.

But you must admit, hearing that - wouldn't you be worried? I'm hoping this lady backed out or has a hidden DUI or they found she had killed someone or ... um ... was in for drug possession or money laundering or....

I know that's bad to say, but I really want this job and fuck, this woman lives far away! I live right there! Okay it's hard not to think of all the possiblities and arguments. My connection says I am very marketable with what he's seen what I can do, and I want to say, yes, you see it, but why doesn't anyone else??

So I'll just sit and be still and check my mail everyday this week and see what's going on. This week and the next week I am training my replacement. He's not very good, just out of college! You're supposed to have 2 years worth of experience before you come here. My parents think that perhaps they hire whoever applies at the time they need someone because certainly, they did not look at what this boy has learned and with no prior work experience...he is already unrealistic.

He's thinking it's no sweat, and that's because I've done everything this past week. He's only seen the tip of the ice berg, he hasn't even dug into the surface yet. And this week, I have to lay into him all the responsiblities he has.

I know he doesn't get it. He already said he's only working from 9 to 7, said "why can't I have a day off?" I want to say college boy you stupid dumb ass, wake up already. I want to say wait when I'm not here and you're fucking up and everyone is barking at you. You'll learn business real fast!

So I plain on kick his ass this week and then my last week, yes my LAST WEEK, he is going to do it all on his own. I'll be there for questions, but he's the "boss".

God, two weeks left, how I've waited for this and waited! Now I'm complaining about these two weeks, actually more like THIS week as Easterns are always so slow and take forever and a day to end.

It's not even Monday yet and I'm already tired and sick of this cruise.

I miss my parents - they cruised last cruise and had a wonderful time. I didn't realize how much I'd missed them until last night I woke up twice and felt teary eyed and almost helpless and just loved having someone care and take care of me for the week they were here.

I felt like I'd die if I had to come back here for another 4 months, I would completely and utterly just want to take a job at McDonald's or something. Well I should be off as I have work to do and hope this week flies and hope good news (other than I'm leaving May 15) is abound.

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pet ramps