Today has been slow for some reason, I got up and got some busy work done. At noon I got off the boat for the last time in St. Thomas. I'll be here only one more time, but next time we're tendering (going on a boat to the island instead of docking.)

I never get off the ship when we tender as it just takes to long and it very inconvient.

Oh well, So I have three weeks left. That is 2 western cruises and one more eastern. I can't say this hasn't gone fast as I still feel as if I'm new, and I can't say that some weeks have gone by extremely slow.

I can say I feel very scared. Kind of like when you graduate college and that feeling of "how am I going to get a job?" type of feeling.

At first this feeling began as a drop, then a trickle, right now it's eroding and soon will become a raging dam.

I'm awaiting to hear if I got that job at the newspaper. In my experience with job interviews, waiting is never, ever good.

That's why I'm so afraid. I know my interviewer went on vacation this week, but still, I know when they want someone they don't wait around, not like this. This is why I'm so afraid. The waiting.

More waiting in my life, waiting for the next job, waiting for Mr. Right and waiting for stuff. I feel like that girl out of Willy Wonky, I want it NOW. Want to know now, I wish even if I didn't get it, she'd just let me know quickly. Monday, Tuesday, anything!

But I should be hopeful as my mom says and know that I got it. I can't think that way, I just can't, not today when there are so many jobless, so many with much more experience than I.

I know I have many positive points towards me for this job, but one never knows. Still you think if I got a job here with the RAT, this would make me something that stands out.

But one never knows the thinking of companies, they say to network and by God I've networked as I know the woman who interviewed me, and now the assistant editor so well, so we'll see and I'll stop worrying about it as I'm sure everyone feels the same - shut up Jen! ;)

Anyway, I started to write a letter to 40-yr old but it seems he's fallen off the face of this earth again and I just feel as if he's toxic to my life anyway. I just want to be friends and I know with him there is no such thing. I wonder if he's found my diary sometimes and read some of the nasty things I've said.

I guess I don't care.

I tried to call Pooks today but he wasn't there. I bought him a shot glass and myself an ornament here today. I can't wait to go home again.

I just wish I could go back to my Indiana and work, this is my dream, what I've been going for since I graduated.

It's sad that my happiness and future hinge on one job that I don't know if I've gotten or not. I want to go back to college even, and just be kind of like I was before at home.

Ok enough talk on this.

I should document that last week we had a real emergency onboard as a gas pipe exploded 1 deck below me - it woke me up at 6 am and a moment later they sounded the alarm just for the fire people. I got out of bed, grabbed my phone and told my roomie to get moving - she was going to just sleep! I said do you really want to be down here (we're at sea level) after hearing that explosion?

She got up and said for me to wait for her and I opened my door and peeked out and saw people w/ their life jackes. I told them you better put them back as there hasn't been an alarm for us and it will scare the guests, so they did that and I began to smell the gas, so I left my roomie and went upstairs and waited.

They got it undercontrol, but hearing how upset and shakey the voice was on the intercom calling the fire groups, I said fuck this I'm not drowning.

They yelled at us for going upstairs when the alarm hadn't sounded. I didn't say anything and thought, to hell with that as hearing the explosion and smelling gas, no one in their right mind would be a sitting duck down there, not after Sept. 11 - not after they told those people to stay in their offices and they would fight the fire.

No.

Not like Titanic when they said on they just hit the ice berg, not damage go to your room.

My mama didn't raise no fool! Oh well, I was a bit embarassed as I was so shaken and scared.

Oh well enough talk, I have to get back to work already! Yes, two days till I see my parents! It's been about 4 mths don't you know?

Yikes.

I also hurt my back yesterday as I twisted while lifting a heavy box, I'm very achy and hope I'm not getting sick again. :(

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pet ramps