I thought I should update this as I have a moment to and will most likely forget if I don't do it now.

I'm on the "clock" and came up quickly (well 30 mins ago) to send out a resume and check mail.

I applied to the Trib une company for a graphic design job - I know I don't feel like a graphic designer exactly, but everyone here seems to think that's what I am, so hell, why not?

I keep praying and hoping that I get out of here and don't have to come back. My mom hopes that I do, though she says I must make my own decision. I think she just likes all the attention I'm getting, or she's getting by me working here.

I don't see why everyone acts like I've won the fucking Nobel Peace Prize because I work here. I at times feel as if they hired me without even looking at my designs, and merely because I had 2 years experience. In fact they didn't even check my references, they didn't deeply question me on my program knowleddge. More like, will you like living on a ship? Oh you will? You're hired!

That's how it felt, but my mom said NO they wouldn't hire someone like that. My sister's teacher friend's daughter has been trying to get in my position forever and never even got called.

I just feel like perhaps I was in the right place, at the right time. I never dreamed they would rehire me, never ever thought I would go from Michigan to fucking the Bahamas on a ship everyweek.

Life is funny and my life always seems to have extreme fucked up-ness. I recall hating Michigan and wanting to leave there, now look at me.

I don't really "hate" it here, I just don't enjoy the lifestyle. Ship board life of military styleness in a family, happy manner. Smile! Act HAPPY! Look neat, eat this SHIT! Now WORK!

So now, I can't complain as this is what I asked for and oddly enough I'm not very homesick, but as I always say, I'm life sick. Just the normal, everyday lifestyle is what I miss!

Miss sleeping in, good food, oh my just fucking SELECTIONS, able to get away from the people I see everyday, places to shop, internet, human CONNECTIONS.

Oh my.

But I really am OK here, I haven't thought about leaving at all. The only time I had a problem is when I first got here and thought I couldn't live in such a small room, but I wasn't like "I'm LEAVING."

Anyway, oh my the boat is shaking right now, we must be docking in Key West already. Oh my, it's only 11:00! We're not supposed to be here until noon time. fuck.

Oh well...I've cut down on my mistakes in our newsletter here, last week I had a mistake everyday and my manager said "The cruise director nearly bit my fucking head off Jen!"

The thing was, I caught the mistake, but didn't fix it as all 1500 were printed out and I didn't want to have to stay and reprint after working a 11 hr day ... but after that, I really started to sit down and edit better. So far, so good.

People are treating me as the authority now, as "how do we do THIS on a program?"

I want to say, dearies, I didn't learn this program but only a month ago...yet, what I find odd in myself is how fast I pick up these programs. Granted the InDesign program is very similar to Quark and Photoshop and Illustrator, but often enough I can figure out things to get these graphics to do what I want.

Still I guess that's a good feeling to help out people, but so many are insincere and only like me for what I can do for em. I don' tlike that or fakeness as in "Jen I love you!" It's like get the fuck away. If you're not going to be honest with me then don't bother. Just a "thank you" is ok with me, and those who offer "favors" ... no, you don't owe me anything for me doing my job.

See. I don't think I fit in here, I don't play the game right. Oh well, I should be going.

Oh I have a cold again too - I also got my cabin moved into a diff. stairwell - it's nicer with newer items and I'm with my original roomie - Mac - but our room flooded about 2 weeks ago - the whole floor did actually - and they said to watch out .... eep.

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pet ramps