I'm sitting in the internet lab right now and I can hear voices drifting up from deck 4.

I hear Icky Mouse and Dunald Duck and then laughter from the audience. I don't know what they are saying, but it's fast and happy. It's taped and fake with sweaty people in hot costumes mimic the words and bob their heads wordless to look like they're talking.

Me? I've had a shitty day, filled with one shit after another. I found out today someone stole 5 of my music CDs.

This was upsetting, but I was more disappointed that someone would do this to me, the girl who's been so nice to everyone. I know, I think I know, that it is the guy who takes my trash out.

The guy whom I help gather up all my trash and apologize to when there is so much and offer to help move it.

My kindness, it feels is useless. If I was shitty to people, would they treat me any differently? I sometimes don't know and sometimes I just want to tell everyone to leave me the fuck alone for once, stop being so God damn fake.

So anyway, I can't say that today I haven't been brought to watery eyes by feeling overwhelmed and no one there to help me out, at the very least. I thought I'd have some leadership or someone to relate to when I'm having a day, but it seems there is no one, but me, myself and I.

I wrote to 40-year-old about how I plan to get out and get a job and settle down for once and I can't wait for this now, just to be on land once more.

Oh well, I have to stop this negative behavior as I feel like I'm in a rut until May - and I should be happy at how fast time has gone so far. Still, it can't go fast enough can it?

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pet ramps