I would like to know when I turned that corner?

I just watched an episode of my beloved, new love, secret love - Sex in the City ....

Well this one scene made me CRY. It's always hard when someone you don't expect to cry or fall apart does.

So I didn't expect this character to fall apart and she did! Oh my. I started to cry and still feel like sobbing.

When did I turn into one of these GIRLS.

I mean pink bows ... romance novels ... crafts, sewing and all that stuff. I even have been thinking about eating like those type of GIRLS do, and just worry about my looks and what guys think of them.... Be very look wise...you know those girls. I used to work with two of them, who were always worrying about what lowfat thing to eat, always ordering salads...not eating those sugary things...I wish, sometimes I could be like that...maybe I should be one of those girls who is based on looks...and nuthin else......

Now my new thing is tears. I can cry at anything, animal shows, sad endings, happy endings. There I am crying.

Oh my. I don't know why, but I feel like SOBBING because that was just...so like something I would do. Try to be strong but fall apart at the last moment and then find a time trying to collect myself.

I kept thinking about this today, my parents are coming home and will see me off when my sister comes to pick me up to take me back home to get ready to leave.

I know I'll fall apart and cry when I say bye...I know it's only 4 months and perhaps I'll say something, hear something to myself that will save myself from crying my eyes out and talking in this screechy cry voice to my parents.

Then making my parents cry too, then my sister. It's like a quick moving disease, my tears are. I cry then everyone else cries.

I remember when in first grade my sister and I walked home the first time, we got "lost" and ended up at my grandparents house.

That's where I sobbed because I was so afraid of being lost. My tears transcended and soon my aunt, grandma, sister and I think grandpa were all crying since I was just so upset.

And still today my tears transcend. I wish I could do something about it, but as I grow older, I think it gets worse.

And now, I just wish I could hold myself together when I leave ... just to show I'm grown up and can do this, and be OK.

I know I will be...I just wish I could keep hold of myself, yet I know I won't be able to...just that point where I hug my ma and dad then boom I'm crying. It's just to hard. I hate this, I wish they weren't going to be here, I know it sounds bad... but.

Anyway, I've been eating like a pig, it's call emotion eating, boredom eating and all that shit. Oh my.

I know I have to do this in my life to GROW up with. I know I have to. I kept thinking today about how I'll deal with making friends ... and stuff like that. Going to lunch and WHO I'll sit with, and all that jazz. I don't want to be a wall flower here and it's a NEW start.

I have to do what everyone says, don't let me see you sad, don't let them see you like that. I will try to be open, happy Jen. Reporter Jen. I know I've changed personality wise from this job ... I am a better conversationalist ... I can talk to people better, I just hope I succeed out there.

Lose weight too since I've gained at least 10 pounds ... and God what I must be gaining NOW since I'm eating like a pig. I am going to go shopping tomorrow for a new suitcase ... I saw they have a bar for the workers only and have themed nights and stuff. I'd like to go sometime perhaps. BUT I do want to bring a shit load of workout gear. I want to go home thinner.

Oh well, I need to suck it up and just relax. It feels like Monday is going to be HELL day. Getting everything together ... giving my two week notice. Oh my.

Well actually hopefully my doctor will be a peach tomorrow and sign my papers and then that's it.

*Sigh* I just can't wait till this is all over and I find my new comfortable place.

�

pet ramps